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Who's Been Eating Off My Plate!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

What do You want me to do?

Hi, It’s me again. I know its been quite some time since I have spoken to You. Infact, I sort of lost contact because I thought that speaking to You via my thoughts every time I thought of You would be sufficient. I thought that I didn’t need to show the world that I have to go Your house by being in touch with You. I thought that You knew my pledged allegiance to You had not faltered just because I didn’t do it through the conventional kneel and pray method. Maybe I was wrong.

So here I am. And I need to ask You what is it You have planned for me. I need You to tell me or remind me again what my calling is. Because I think I am way passed confused. See, I thought I was dumb that’s why I never made it to Med school or didn’t take up the chance to study IT when it was “the” thing everyone was doing when I left school. But You sort of showed me a different path. You gave me signs that I could be destined for bigger things than sitting in a big ergonomic chair and having people run my errands. You gave me a heart. You made sure that I felt miserable wherever I went as long as I wasn’t helping someone other than myself. So when I found joy and satisfaction and my skills excelled to the brim when I was doing social work. I believe You had chosen that calling for me. Because frankly, my family loves money. All of them near and distance relatives. They live, fight, eat, breathe for money. And yet me made me oddly different. Well, not that I don’t love money too, but maybe not as much as they do.

So I gained skills in other areas where I believed You have truly blessed me with. Skills not everyone can do as well as I can. That special human touch you embedded into my soul. But now, I’m at crossroads that seems to have no way out. My options that are in front of me are truly what I believe was not Your initial calling that You had for me. And I think You need to help me out here. Because You said, ‘ask and you shall receive’. So I’m asking, believing that You will grant me what I am asking for.

I am miserable because I “feel” like I have a calling. Yet, this calling seems to be making me poorer and seems to be making my family suffer more because of my lack of cash. And then I’m also miserable because if I were to do a job which is not my calling, my family will not suffer, but “I” will suffer emotionally beyond redemption. So what is it now? Either way, am I supposed to be this miserable?

See, there are a few jobs that are what I think You would want me to do. Which could make both my family and me content. So I am asking You to help me. I want those jobs I applied for, any one of them because I know I can sort of do something which is ‘humane” and still not suffer in this money oriented world. Why are the ones who are prosperous the ones who are not doing good for Your people? Not very fair is it?

I will try to faithfully go to Your house every week. I will try to not swear and curse and think of the worse of people. I will try not to fail You as a follower. And I hope that You will hear me this time around and help me because frankly, I think You are the only One who can now. Maybe You might come across my blog, who knows? , if I don’t manage to reach You via private conversations, messengers or telepathy.

Thank You..

Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas come and gone.. in an old fashion way

So it's Boxing day today, which is also my niece Jeziel's birthday. Christmas has come and gone just as i expected, in the blink of an eye.. Sigh..


But yesterday was awesome. Though it was a smaller crowd than usual at my grandfather's house, but it's nothing like spending Christmas with family. It brings back nostalgia, and the reasons why we expect and await Christmas every year. Yesterday was laid back and idyllic as usual. We visited a rest house by the beach where an old couple ran. It was simple, beautiful and serene. Gosh.. It makes me want to retire like them when i grow old. We also visited the old bakery which Mersing folks have bought their bread from for decades. Where the bread is still baked by coal, and the quality and price at an unfaltering pleasant satisfaction. Who the hell sells a whole loaf of freshly baked bread at RM1 anymore?? or melting butter cake and super stuffed buns at RM0.60 still? When it comes to the holidays, anything traditional is still the best way to go.

And then the cousins did our regular walk by the beach at Mersing. Well, though the beach was polluted and really, pretty disgusting, it was our thing, and i wouldn't walk at any other beach other than this one...

So christmas came and went, and now another 365 days to wait for it.. Sigh.. Good times always roll...

Merry Christmas everyone..Cheers and lots of love!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Tis the Season

Christmas is exactly 2 days away. Gosh, time flies and it's hard to imagine that before i've had enough time to indulge into the season, it's going to be over soon. This year is going to be quiet i'm sure. Yesterday was the first time it felt like christmas when i was walking in Orchard Road in Singapore. The carols, deco and air was just.. different and refreshing. Perhaps it was also because Bernard was with me and it's always nice to usher in the season and a new year with your loved ones.


My mind still can't get off the fact that i will be unemployed by January. It's hampering the season and the festivities because i have more than just money to be worried about. I have my whole career and choices which are slipping through the hour glass to worry about. I can't sit home because my parent keep asking me about my job and how's its going so far. And it's driving me nuts because i can't tell them i'm "almost" jobless as they WILL worry unnecessarily.

I made up my mind ( sort off ). If more than 90 percent of the world can live without being of service to the poor and needy, surely i can adjust to living like that too. I mean, charity doesn't necessarily must happen on a scale i'm involved in. It can be personal and still fulfilling. So if i do not get any positive call backs by January for social work, I'l assume that It's just not my calling for now. And park my ass back into the corporate seat and resume the sort of life everyone lives after what i would consider a two year long vacation or "mission trip".

It's just a blur for me now.. It's sad that i have so much to offer and yet no one to want it..

Merry Christmas..

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

A Good Read




Ruth Fowler has been a favorite of mine since i started reading blogs. I found her blog on "Waiterrant" and just like many others, i stopped waiting for posts on "Waiterrant" and waited more eagerly for posts on "Mimi in NY". (you can find both their blogs on my site). She is exactly what she words herself to be and her blatant honesty penned into sentences is a must read. Although Ruth's writing may seem offensive to some and certainly politically incorrect, it doesn't stop her from being a one of a kind prodigy writer. Her frequency in blogging has decreased recently but everytime she posts something new, it reminds me of how the wait was worth it after all.. Here's a post she recently wrote for Huffington Post and i thought it was a good read so im sharing it with you. :)


Like Elin Nordegren, I started reading my boyfriend's text messages. I also hacked into his email, scoured his Facebook page, and kept careful count of the number of Viagra left in the little orange bottle he'd concealed in the bathroom cabinet.

At the age of thirty, it was the first time I'd ever stooped to this kind of, well, despicable behavior. I'd had it done to me in the past, and hated it. There was the guy in New York I'd ditched who couldn't understand that I didn't want to have a relationship, and was desperately reading my emails to find out if there was someone else (there wasn't). The serial 'infideliter' I dated, who, so used to his own transgressions, couldn't comprehend that I wasn't going to do the same to him (I didn't).

These instances sucked. They were evidence, to me, of my ex-partners' obvious emotional instability, inability to respect privacy and patent insanity. I wasn't cheating on these guys, so it never made sense to me. Why was it OK in their heads to go through my private correspondence?

But when I hit thirty and started dating Richard, I became that woman. And I became that woman for one simple reason: Richard lied to me on a continual basis. He lied about drug abuse (he was a relapsing alcoholic and addict). He lied to get me out of the house so other women could come round -- "just for coffee" he assured me later. He lied about who was texting him as we lay in bed together at midnight. He lied about trying to meet up with his ex-girlfriend in New York. And he left hints and clues littered all over the apartment we shared,almost as if he wanted me to know: names and numbers in his filofax, an incriminating AA Step 4 lying in plain view, empty bottles of wine and drug paraphernalia thrown carelessly in the trash, his blackberry lying on the table when he left the house to do an errand.

I have no idea if Richard subconsciously wanted me to find out: possibly, as the amount of drugs he was ingesting turned him into a sociopathic horror. I have no idea if Tiger Woods wanted Elin to find out. The carelessness of these males suggests either they did (why on earth didn't they hold off on the sexting and change the names of the women they were communicating with into guy's names in their phone?!) or what is more likely: they simply underestimated us women. Women always know, and lying gives us a green card to act like private detectives and disregard all 'normal' levels of ethics and morality -- such as respecting a partner's privacy. There is a huge difference between the woman who snoops on her man because of her own insecurity and a basic lack of ethics, and the woman who snoops on her man because she has a very good suspicion, supported by strange behavior, that something is wrong.

Liz Jones, a British columnist, has been derided for years for chronicling her tempestuous relationship with her much younger husband, Nirpal Dhaliwal, in her weekly columns. Liz's almost pathological dissection of her relationship started to turn hopelessly sad when she revealed that hacking into Nirpal's emails and phone, she had discovered his numerous infidelities. The discovery was not prophylactic for their marriage: it ended in divorce. According to Ruth Houston, a New York based infidelity expert, women are often the last to know about affairs because they don't recognize the early signs -- or they don't intrude on their husband's privacy, and look for text or email proof, until it's too late. A flirtation has turned into an affair.

A friend of mine based in LA, Lulu, swears by frequent intrusions into her husband's privacy for saving her marriage. A routine scanning of her husband's email account revealed a recent tryst between him and an ex-girlfriend that was swiftly nixed when Lulu went into action and confronted him before the tryst became an extra-marital affair. Lulu knows she's married to a man who has the ability and willingness to cheat. She's happy to live with this. When I asked her how she hacked into his email, she said; "Try the name of his favorite sports team, his mother's name or his mother's birthdate. Men are predictable."

When I bring up the ethics of reading your partner's texts and emails to male friends, opinion is divided. Half of my male friends agree that if you suspect something and find out definitive proof by snooping, then your behavior is excusable on the grounds you were doing it to protect yourself. The other half tend to believe that there is no excuse for an invasion of privacy.

My ex constantly brought up the fact I'd read his texts and emails and said it made him feel violated -- ignoring the fact that he had violated my trust with constant lies, and had also read my texts, half-expecting me to be like him: a liar and a cheat. Does a violation of privacy get 'canceled out' by a violation of trust? I'm tempted to say it does. But it does provide your partner with great fuel in the ensuing break-up wars. "We split up because she read my texts and emails," is a continual bleat from my ex -- and it's one I have to agree with. We did break up because I read his texts and emails, and found out exactly what kind of person I was dating. A man who thought lying to me was acceptable and excusable.

It's interesting to note that a court in New Jersey reviewed a case (White Vs. White) on whether a spouse reading the e-mails between her husband and his girlfriend violated the New Jersey wiretap law (state version of the ECPA). The court held that no reasonable expectation of privacy existed. Because the couple were sharing a home, their expectation of privacy was diminished.

We can speculate forever why men -- particularly powerful men like Tiger Woods, David Letterman, Elliot Spitzer, Jude Law, Bill Clinton, Lulu's husband, my ex -- think they can cheat and get away with it. Partly I think it's the genetic ability of men to separate sex and love. I worked in a strip club for eighteen months in New York and I was constantly astounded as to what constitutes 'cheating' to a man. Serial 'infideliters' seem to believe that if they still love their wife/partner/girlfriend, sex or a non-serious relationship, which is sexually based, somehow doesn't count. For these men, cheating is when the heart strays, not the roving penis. My guy always excused the lies and the flirtations with other women by saying he loved me, he supported me, he fed me, he lived with me. The only woman he loved more than me, wouldn't have him anyway(!). Surely that was enough?

It wasn't. It certainly wasn't for Elin Nordegren, judging by her violent reaction to the proof that her husband was cheating. I suspect it's not really enough for Lulu, who is doomed to a life with a man she can never fully trust. If there's one thing I learned about my relationship with the guy whose texts I continually read, whose words I always doubted: it is that invading your partner's privacy to find out something horrendous is morally dubious, but logically the best thing to do.

If I get to the point where I have to start hacking into my next boyfriend's emails, I know I'm not with the right guy. But unlike Lulu, or Elin Nordegren, or Hillary Clinton, I certainly don't intend to stay with him.

Ruth Fowler has also written a book which i heard the reviews of which were awesome. But they have somehow not reached our shores. If you can get a copy of "Girl, Undressed" or "No Man's Land" somewhere, do let me know..

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Back to the 60's


Anyone who is familiar with the 60's housewife image must know that it involves a hairstyle that withstands wind, a flare skirt with a constant apron, make up even while bustling in the kitchen, and a welcoming smile that is always there to welcome their husbands and guests when they get home after a long day of work.


During the 1960s the trend of the housewife and the nuclear family continued to be portrayed within the media. Women within the home were still confined to limited roles, yet they were depicted as having more power. This new twist on the housewife arose in response to women challenging the ideal post war image. Kennedy’s Presidential Commission on the Status of Women, established in 1961, and Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique, published in 1963, contributed to the growing concern for the need of women’s fulfillment and opportunity outside of the home. Women were prepared for marriage at a young age and were brainwashed into accepting gender roles which confined them to their duties in keeping a perfect nuclear family.

How different is our society these days? With women empowerment on a boom and women holding equal if not higher roles in society compared to men?

From the recent couch potato-ing while watching tv series which i have been doing, it is quite obvious that we are heading back to the 60's without us being conscious of it. I personally fear for the younger generation who are growing up to be women in less than a decade. With Tv programs such as "One Tree Hill", "Gossip Girls", and "90210", teenagers are portrayed in such a fashion that seems fashionable to the younger crowd, but what might seem detrimental to those who are skeptical and analytical like myself. Only yesterday did it dawn on me that the characters in these series are babies, teenagers, minors, or young adults who are barely matured enough to hold their liquor, let alone have babies and get married. The media is subconsciously portraying that it is okay to live with the here and now, and marriage as a solution, instead of thinking things over the see how their actions of living as a teenager in a certain way might attribute consequences to the rest of their lives. Sex, lies, deceit, promiscuity, drama and settling down at and earlier age doesn't really keep them as far as we might think from the 60's housewives image that we know off.

Before you say that i am coming across as old and obsolete, think about what kind of generation we are bringing up and how keeping a child sane and responsible is probably going to be a harder challenge that keeping the child away from drugs and sex. The norm is becoming the exceptional. Do you really want to raise your child in a situation that goes against our gradient of norm?






Monday, November 30, 2009

Tradition Setters..

Growing up, i always prided myself for coming from such a diverse heritage. My heritage is as complicated as it can get, and I myself suspect there are still some hidden roots of my heritage which even I do not know off. Tradition is an important part of my heritage. Since my mom is Baba Nyonya and my dad's Eurasian, there's a ton of tradition which i have learnt and carried on into my daily life.


As an adult now, i try to infuse those traditions in my daily life. From food to practises to clothes, i realized so much has been lost from one generation to another. And here i am, frantically searching for the traditions that were not passed down to my generation.

But i realized also that creating your own traditions are just as important. You do want to have something to pass down to the next generation. Whether it is something you and your friends do as a ritual, to practices that you want your kids to adopt in the future..

So what tradition have i set? For starters, Kathy and me put up the christmas tree without fail every year to some carols and wine.. And this year, we started Christmas Ornament Making where we get to have some fun and spend some quality time. For every party we have, Ayam Pongteh is the signature dish and for Special occasions, we have the Deviled Curry.

Life is too boring without traditions to uphold. If you can't find them in your roots, create them...

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

You are not the same anymore....


You know.. people say we never stop growing. We try to stabilize, but it's human nature to rationalize situations and decide where to go to from there. It's part of life to decide which turn to make, which road to take, which decision to make. Therefore, technically, as long as we are not brain dead, the learning and self-growth doesn't ever stop.


This is probably the reason why married couples fall out of love, courting couples lose the zest of their passion, people take up new hobbies all the time or why we can't just stick to the same color shirt, same model of car or same food everyday. We grow. We learn. We take the next step. All our damned lives.

You know who are the unfortunate ones? The people around us. The people who loved us for the person that we were. It's not that they don't grow too, it's just that they want us to stop growing.. And thats part of life too! We want to evolve indefinitely as a person, but we like our surroundings to be familiar, stable, traditional, unchanged. Don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about keeping secrets, I'm talking about being aware of change, and how there is really no such thing a "foundation" in human ties.

You think you'd know someone, but then something comes pounding you over and over again on the head like a meat tenderizer mallet, and you realize that, the time has come and the person is moving on, whether you are going to be ready or not. And the person is no longer the same person you knew. He has learnt, He has grown, and you might not be part of that plan..

Life is a bitch....

Friday, November 13, 2009

Extraordinary Animals

I was browsing through Youtube the past few days. And i couldn't get enough of watching videos of extraordinary animals..


These are videos of animals of different genus and species bonding in friendship, motherhood and pure unconditional compassion and love. Every video i watched seemed more overwhelming than the one before. There are videos of dogs adopting tiger cubs, dogs befriending tigers and bears, animals who think they are human, dogs adopting kittens and the infamous leopard who adopted a baby baboon.

Animals are such great creatures... In the Christmas spirit of love, hope and joy, go knock yourself out over these videos on youtube.. :)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A coffee in the morning keeps your mind bright and shiny

People say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Well, i hate apples, but i reckon a morning coffee, keeps your mind bright and shiny too! I'm not talking about the chemical compounds of coffee that keeps you healthy or brain alert. I'm talking about the fact that if you can take time to enjoy a cuppa in the morning, it simply means you have started your day without a rush, which also means your whole day is going to be smooth sailing because you started the day with a positive mind...


Good day to you all...Have u had your cup of coffee yet?

:P

Monday, November 9, 2009

Hey YOu! Looking Good!


What is self-confidence? A very good friend of mine, who was gorgeous way beyond our normal dorky teenage years taught me the art of not only looking good, but feeling good.


Being an overweight Teenager, she taught me that confidence is being able to accept what you see in the mirror everyday as well as talking to your reflection in your mirror.

So i did that, and still do that every other day whenever i am feeling crappy and fugly..

I just look into the mirror and say this to my reflection. "Hey You! Looking Good!"

Thanks Rina.. You may not be aware of this but you were my Saving Grace.. :)

Saturday, October 31, 2009

The Professional...

The thing about jobs which are categorized under the "professional" sector is, they are overrated. If you think about it, people who work in professional sectors have the least variations in their jobs. Yes of course there's deviation and something new to learn about everyday in every job you do, but they venture least into other areas because they are only trained in one field. But because they are classified as "professionals", they have self-claimed to be know it all. I'm not saying that anyone can be a doctor, lawyer or an engineer because besides having the knack for the job, there's a certain level of intelligence which is required off before you can proudly be an effective "professional". But what i am saying is being a "professional" doesn't necessarily means you know how everything or how everyone else functions in the world.


The person who came up with the word Professional is a narcissistic bastard. He is a person who has self-claimed that he is superior above the rest and only people who are of his magnitude of intelligence is deserving to be in his league. Why can't a laborer be a professional? How many of us know how to lay bricks, operate machineries, work long hours in harsh weather conditions without dying, or demolish a building. Just what is so great about having a specialty. Having a specialty is a death sentence to creativity. It means someone has chosen to believe that he/she has reached the optimum of knowledge and rest as that..Having a specialty narrows the magnitude of knowledge there is to learn out there.

To all the "professionals" out there.. You are like an estate of linked-houses where you have the same layout but you can change them to some extent by renovating your space or furnishing it individually according to your taste.. To all non-professionals out there, you are like an empty plot of land with endless possibilities, and each unique to one's self.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

7 Wonders of the World


"What are the new 7 wonders of the world" - Bubu

" Oh thats easy.. its...(rattling on)" - FayFay
" OH apparently that's no longer in.. Now it is ...." - Bubu
" Let's google it" - FayFay

Did you know that the 7 wonders of the world that you and i grew up to know has changed? I had a conversation with a friend a few days ago. And she were perplexed that we didn't even know what were the current 7 wonders of the world. I was even more perplexed because i NEVER knew that a place can be stripped off its title of being one the wonders of the world.

As far as i knew, the 7 wonders of the world were the Pyramids of Giza, the Colosseum, The Grand Canyon, The Leaning tower of Pisa, The Eiffel Tower, Angkor Wat and the Taj Mahal.
Apparently, over the years, wonders are voted off and voted in to replace each another. Besides the The Taj Mahal and the Colosseum who maintained in this list. The other 5 are apparently no longer "wonderful" and have been replaced by others in the world wide vote in 2007. The 5 new wonders as of now are Machu Picchu, Petra, Chichen Itza ,the Great wall of China and Christ the Redeemer at Rio.

This just got me thinking. How do you make something a "wonder" and then take it away? And why 7? The world is full of amazing places which are not only historical but also mystical! Why limit to 7?

Just a thought...


Saturday, October 10, 2009

When you do say "I Love You"

It is said that the phrase " i love you" is one of the most common phase people use in the English language. However, research also shows that "ilove you" is more commonly used among friends and strangers rather than among family, spouses, or partners.. Why is such an intimate profession of feeling uttered more often to people whom you don't really have that sort of emotional attachment to rather than to people who you truly care, appreciate and Love?

Saying "i love you" to someone dear to your heart is a moment of weakening. It is a moment where you are informing the person that your life has been changed by the latter and that you need him/her for your emotional well being. It is also a moment of caving in to emotions and weakening of your indepedence of self. When people say i love you to people who matter to them, it's a moment where their most fragile self shows.

The most feared part of saying "i love you" to someone special is when there is no recipocration of the phrase or a delayed reaction of the phrase. It is no wonder that when the other person does not say " i love you too", tension and frustration can occur.

So when do we say "i love you" and mean it? Through some chats with my girlfriends yesterday, i realised that this question is harder than it looks. There are so many aspects and different stands on when and where to say "i love you", especially for the first time. I used to think that there is a clear cut answer, but i realised, it really depends on the person's personality and principles. There is no answer to when you should say "i love you" to a person. It is more abou the moment, the timing, the place you are in your relationship, and the future you see or do not see. It is hardly fair to tell someone " now is the right time tosay it" because each person is different, and what works for me, may not work for others.

For my relationship, saying " i love you " for the very first time was awkward too. I was the one to drop the bomb and 4 months later, i received back my recipocration. When i said " i love you" for the first time, i felt stupid, vulnerable, and i wished i could turn back that bloody 3 seconds. It wasn't a rehearsed " i love you" on top of it. It was a blurt out which my vocal chords had betrayed me before my mind could process the consequences of saying that three deadly words. I never uttered that three words again until my response and recipocration came along.

So bubu, i may have been wrong when i was trying to figure out the perfect time for you to say those words. You will know when it comes for sure. :)

Monday, October 5, 2009

The Inconvenient Truth


How do Malaysians get our power supply? Electricity in Malaysia is powered by hydro power plants. Due to our yearly supply of heavy rainfall and the availability of vast undeveloped areas, hydro dams have been our choice to source power.

There are many arguments that hydro power plants are one of the purest forms of sourcing energy. After all, what is more pure than water itself?

Truth is, the reality is contrary to the popular belief that hydropower is one of the cleanest forms of electricity generation, but the research carried out across South East Asia agrees with previous research carried out in Brazil and other locations. Large scale hydro-electricity generation depends on the building of dams and creation of reservoirs. Water trapped in a reservoir has only one means of escape to continue its journey downstream - passing through a generator at high pressure and making electricity. Unfortunately while the water all gets through eventually, organic matter (plants and plankton etc) often does not and sinks to the bottom of the reservoir where it is trapped in silt and mud in the dark.

The result of this is the release of vast amounts of harmful methane and nitrous oxide into the atmosphere. The hotter the climate at the location of the dam, the worse the effect. One hydroelectric plant in Brazil in 1990 had more effect on global warming than the sum of 54 natural gas power stations generating the same amount of power.

While releasing carbon dioxide into the atmosphere is believed to lead to climate change - i.e. global warming - methane and nitrous oxide are far worse. Methane is 20 times more harmful, and nitrous oxide 200 times more harmful than CO2. Every ton of nitrous oxide released into the atmosphere is as bad as 200 tons of carbon dioxide. Basically speaking hydro-electric reservoirs convert CO2 from the atmosphere into dissolved methane and nitrous oxide which is released back into the atmosphere as the water passes through the generator.

The only way hydro power plants can yield clean energy generation is if we use existing rivers and alter the landscape. However, most dams in Malaysia are built dams. Meaning that we clear out forests and ALL its life forms to create space to flood these dams with rainfall and build concrete walls to create pressure.

So why do we still insist in building more dams? Is it because we need to cater for the increasing need of energy due to globalization and the rise of population here in Malaysia? Both reasons do not even come close.

Malaysia happens to be one of the most blessed countries in South East Asia in terms of natural resources. There are many other alternatives of sourcing power from other sources which can generate the same amount of supply for our needs. Why not use the Sun? Since we have abundance of sunlight!

I recently found out that the reason Malaysia turns to hydro power as its sole power generator is because of a very simple reason. The same reason many other unexplainable occurences happen in this country. Corruption.

If you have seen solar panels on houses, you must know that it is only legal in Malaysia to use solar panels to generate energy for heating purposes. Heating of water that is. Should we use solar panels to convert sunlight into electric energy, we can be fined by TNB. This is because TNB will be losing out money should we generate our own electricity since it will not be chargable. Amazing isn't it? With our current dams, Malaysia is already generating more than 40 percent of excess renewable energy. We don't need more dams. But we keep doing it anyway. Because building a dam involved millions of Ringgit. And where does this Millions of ringgit go to? Pockets of tenders being passed on from one company to another.

In Malaysia's obsession of building the biggest, largest, longest items, the reason why the Bakun dam was built is for the very same reason. Should the Bakun dam be up and running, Malaysia would have built the second tallest Concrete faced rock-filled dam in the world. The catch here is, Peninsular Malaysia already has sufficient energy generation, so why destroy millions of acres of forests, wildlife and villages to build a dam all the way in Sarawak ( which do not need the energy generated from this dam) and build a underwater tunnel all the way to peninsular energy for no reason?

So while we ease our conscience of using lesser plastic bags to be a part of going green. Be assured that we are hardly doing our bit in saving the planet. Turning the blind eye and pretending that we can do nothing about the bigger picture is killing our planet.

There is a price to pay for everything.. Question is, are we willing to compromise the life of mother nature for our oblivion?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Rock On!

So last week, me and my mates indulged ourselves with the celebration of Arthur's Day. I had an awesome time, tho my arms, legs, and throat was hurting like no man's business the following morning.


Prior to that "awesome" feeling, i must say it was quite an ordeal. With a confirmed amount of 15,000 pre-sale tickets, as expected, it was packed everywhere, from the roads to the carpark to the mall. Lucky for us, we left a tad bit early, so what we experience wasn't all the bad.

The second ordeal was the dressing up part. See kathy and me have previously gone to events at Sunway Theme Park, and during then, we went through the same pickle as we did this time. Goes to show that we never did learn our lessons. While i wore a nice sequined shift dress to pay tribute to one of the greatest man alive, i had to wear something other than slippers!! So i decided to adorn my super killer heels in a pit which i knew was going to be covered with sand...Oh boy.. Yes, one might call me silly.. I prefer to call myself a complete imbecile!

Sunway is a mighty huge place, Sunway Pyramid itself of course. Which is probably one of the many reasons why i would never choose to go this particular mall for shopping. Its crowded, badly planned routes and lacking of signboards. For example, In order to go to the surf beach or Sunway Hotel if you parked at Pyramid, we had to go through "ONE" particular elevator in Sunway Pyramid, and there was no signage anywhere which pointed us in the correct direction. So after a ton of asking around, walking in circles and stopping to buy bandages for my feet, we finally found the exit.

When we got into the gates of the concert, my feet and toes were already ready to bleed me to death. Then again, else to i have to blame but myself? Serves me right for being a bird brain. So i took off my shoes and trotted around the sand, squeezing my way through the massive crowd and hidding behind bernard to make sure some other girl with stilletoes do not murder my toes...

We managed to get hold of a space which was decent distance from the stage. For the first 2 hours, I almost regretted going for the concert. I was hot and sweaty and the Malaysian acts made me sick to my gut.

The problem with Malaysian artists is not that they can't sing or rap or perform as well as international acts. Its more of a problem that they perform for themselves and not the crowd. Malaysian artists are very self-absorbed. They do what they like, and not what people might like to hear. For two fregging hours, i heard rap on stage with the same monotonous beat and rhythm. I nearly died. Granted i am not a rap fan so i might not have been able to appreciate it, but my point is, you don't even know when is the transition from one song to another because they seem to have to same bloody tune. When i looked up, the artists were clearly into it and pouring their heart and soul to the rap. I'm sure if i could make out the words they were saying, it might have improved my mood. But instead what i saw was a "syiok sendiri" performance. No regards for the crowd. Thank God Malaysians are quite civilized and we did not boo them off the stage. It was really hard to endure, especially since "WE" the NON-VIP TICKET PAYING CROWD, were not allowed to numb ourselves with alcohol simply because there was no damn alcohol served on Arthur Guinness's day.. How stupid...

When the Black Eye Peas came on stage, thats when the party started.. It was exhilarating, pumping, wild and awesome!! I jumped and screamed like a teenager. It was worth it after all. Truly an experience and BEP, they rock!


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

1 Simple thought..


The thought just came across my mind...


If the forefathers who painstakingly built Malaysia from scratch could look down from heaven upon their sons who are in power now, do you think they would cry blood?

Where have all the good genes gone to? Out of Malaysia i say... smart buggers...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Top 10 reasons to wish everyone a Happy Merdeka!!!!!

So this Merdeka, what do we have to be thankful and proud of? let's see if this year's list is longer than last year....


1. Teoh Beng Hock "mysteriously" fell to death and investigations are still being done after
MACC's probe.

2. A Middle-aged model-mum caught drinking beer in a resort was given canning sentence by
the Syariah Court ( religious court ) even though canning for women in the Civil court is not
practised.

3. A group of candle lighting peace vigils in football fields were raided and accused to obstructing
order and justice. A Mob of angry Malays screaming threats against hindus and demonstrating
in front of a State secretariat building while defiling a cow's head in protest to a hindu temple
being relocated to their residential area was calmly watched by the police.

4. The government that won their standing in Perak as voted by the perak state people were
forced to step down because the other party seeked help from a Sultan. Now Perak is shared
by two parties as a conclusion derived from compromise. Err... what was the point of elections
again?

5. Muslims were initially said to be banned from the Black Eye Peas Concert next month because
it is organised by "Guiness", an alcohol company. However, i found a "Dato Jafar Indot,
Malaysian, aged 74 who is on the board of directors since 1999. I wonder what's stopping the
Syariah court from canning him...

6. The Mogolian model Alanthuya who was murdered had her case closed with no further
investigations. WHy ar?? Police not competant or got dirt to sweep under the carpet?

7. The partial collapse of the old Jaya building which was apparently "scheduled" for demolition
killing 7 migrant construction workers had the developers and construction companies
suspended from all projects in the Klang valley only , (temporarily). No other actions or
investigation has been taken or if it has, not made public. The demolition is also on hold. I
wonder what are they waiting for? For the rest to collapse over the residential houses merely
50 meters away from the site?
8. The mob of angry Malays with the cow's head incident said that they did not intend to bring
the cow's head. It was miraculously there so they used it. A minister will be visiting the
community who carried out the protest to address their grievances. Hmm... How odd... What
about the hindus, who will address their grivances.

9. All churches are banned from using the arabic word "Allah" which means God, even malay
speaking churches. This is to make sure that muslims might not walk in churches in confusion
when they hear the word Allah. Allah is sacred and exclusive to muslims only.

10. And the best reason of all to wish everyone a Happy Merdeka, Price increase for Petrol!!
Let's dig more out of your already bare pockets and yet forgo the display of fireworks!!!!

HAPPY MERDEKA!!!!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Uncertainties that Lies Ahead

My life is in a mode where it could go anyway now. I have plenty of options, and yet none so outstandingly desirable to what i need in relishing my passion in social work. I have 4 months to decide where i go from here, buck up and give the best i have, and move on to another project or course of work.. And truthfully, it is difficult to let go of everything i have been doing.


I have options, but no direction, and so help me God, no savings whatsoever.

For the past 2 years, i have been living on a shoestring budget. Prices are sky rocketing exponentially everywhere, but my salary remains at a painful constant. I have my future to think about, but yet, i haven't done what i wanted to do enough to settle for something else which is not my choice of career. Some people say I'm digging my own grave. I say? If i am, i doing it willingly and happily....

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Middlesex


If there's anything nature had taught us, it would be all about balance. Prey and predator, night and day, gas and solids. Balance, seems easier to achieve when the presence of things are concrete, when two complete opposites exists in harmony. When balance is achieved, perfection is borned.


Yet the one being that is far from balanced are us humans. Humans who judge and analyse what balance is, is the most unbalanced beings that must have walked on this planet.

Yes there are men and women. Yet through time, we have hardly strike a deal of achieving balance. Women would never fully understand men and vice versa. Is it because we have drawn the line so clear that it is impossible to step into each another's realm?

I came across a novel called Middlesex a month ago. Granted i have not completed the book, since work has gotten the best of me, yet i can remember clearly what i've read to date. It is a story about intersex people. People who are seen as unnatural, a freak of nature, chromosomes gone wrong, or a product of curse and sins of their forefathers. Yet what i gathered from this beautiful story, is a breed of people so rare and so misjudged. I am convinced that we, men and women of single sex, are the ones who are freaks, unnatural in contrary with nature and completely of balance.

People who are borned intersex, or politically incorrectly termed as hermaphrodites, are people who are borned with two sexual organs. It is not that they are neither men nor women, it is more of a gift of being able to choose to be either or even both. Intersex people are not drag queens or transsexuals, they are naturally a balance of both.

If perfection is all about striking a balance, then intersex people are the perfection of the human race. For someone to be able to understand how it feels like to be both sex at one time, it is an advantage rather than a curse. Yet people like "US" scorn and belittle them, just because they are rare, just because they are not a majority. We have been governed by gender roles for so long that our little brains find it hard to wrap around the fact that culturally, a boy can become a girl if he wanted to.

Take homosexuals as an example, the world's greatest and most artistic people are hardly straight. Gays are creative, perfectionists, intelligent and one of a kind. That is simply because they reached a point where they have found a way to incorporate sentiments of another gender which do not belong to their bodies. If in a religious perspective we call it nirvana, being born as an intersex is the nirvana of humankind.

The reason i am writing this is not in response of encouraging people to retort from the sex they were borned as. However, it is because it sickens me when people imply that being born intersex is unnatural. How ignorant are we. A wonderful director which i adored recently passed away and all these ignorant fools could do was to dig up her past of possibly being born as an intersex with intentions to defame her.

If she was really borned intersex as what they had said, then it is a revelation to why she was so brilliant. It was a revelation to how she managed to be one of a kind in all its splendour. It was a revelation to how no one could replace her even if they wanted or tried to because they are just genetically disposed as unbalanced and imperfect..

It was a revelation then that they would never be the success that she was...




Sunday, August 9, 2009

Lost


I resent the loss of a time i never had..

I grieve for a loss of a loved one i never knew..
I am numbed by a pain i never felt..
I miss a place i've never been to..

I miss the "me" i've never becomed..
Does that even make sense to you?

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The Malaysian Legend Yasmin Ahmad


When I was in school, I had a phase where I was flocked with Malay friends. Naturally, I listened to malay music as well as adored local malay artists. But that was as far as my interests ventured. Partly due to the fact that the one and only Malaysian produced malay movie titled Sembilu I watched then was hardly decent, even for the 12 year old me. I remembered laughing at the bad production, horrendous drama acting and the simple minded storyline which left a dent in my impression of Malaysian production.

It wasn’t until I left to college and heard my non-Malay friends raving about a Malaysian produced movie which was hardly anything but decent, instead brilliant. I took the plunge after more than 10 years, and watched Sepet. I laughed, I cried, I lived in the moment. It was as brilliant as everything they said it would be. From that day on, Yasmin Ahmad was a national hero to me. Someone has finally brought Malaysia down from the wall of shame in the world of screening productions. Since then, I have not missed a single one of her movies, except for the brilliant “muallaf” which was not allowed to be screened or sold here in the homeground, but has won numerous awards internationally.

Besides movie productions, Yasmin Ahmad produced many of the heart tugging advertisements which have been aired over the years. If you have watched an impactful one, chances are this amazing lady was behind the scenes. Remember all those Petronas festival ads, yup that’s her.

Sadly, Yasmin left us yesterday due to complications caused by the stroke she had two days ago. Malaysia does not know what loss they are experiencing yet. I was heart wrenched by the news and feverishly prayed for this wonderful woman as much as I could. But as how Yasmin Ahmad would see it, she would probably say that God loves her more to take her to His side so soon.

We have lost an amazing icon. The one and only woman who perfectly executed every single work she has produced. The woman who truly understood what underprivileged or minorities truly feel being part of Malaysia. Whose neighboring countries seeked her expertise feverishly while we worry about how to censor or discredit her every new work here in her very own homeground. I have never seen such subtlety being portrayed about the issues that races experience here in Malaysia than of what Yasmin has filmed. Yasmin’s work was tasteful, world class, unique, bold and simply true to the heart. She was a woman of vision. And my only regret is that I have never had a chance to meet this icon personally to just tell her how much her work has changed my life and the lives of many others.

It is an international loss that a woman with such talent has left us today. She will be missed and she will be always the one and only Yasmin Ahmad.

May her soul rest in peace.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Pray for Yasmin Ahmad

Yasmin Ahmad our beloved and one and only "relevant" director and brain for many heart tugging commercials and movies had a stroke yesterday. She is said to be out of danger now but recovering after undergoing brain surgery...


Pray for this special wonderful woman who has touched the hearts and lives of manyh through her work...


Sunday, July 12, 2009

Why do Men Cheat?

You know that familiar question we all ask our men? " baby do u still find me pretty?" or "am i still hot to you?" or "if a hot girl came on to you, would you be tempted?" The answer is always no. In whatever relationship, in whosoever's relationship, the answer is always "NO".


Learning from previous experiences, the answer "no" doesn't mean jack shit. It's just a response, a nay-say, as word to shut down the uncertainties we women have tumbling all over our brains. The fear that what just happened to the next woman might happen to us.

The No.1 reason why men cheat: Men crave sexual “variety,” according to David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating (BasicBooks). That ladies, equivalents to the simple reason; boredom. Sad isn't it?

Why is it always women who worry about their men cheating, and hardly ever the other way around. Maybe because of stereotypes. Men generally cheat more than women. In a survey done, it was shown that, "Approximately 40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, estimates Kat Hertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada - Las Vegas and a marriage and family therapist.

That number hasn’t changed much since 1950, when the famous Kinsey sex study found that 50% of U.S. men cheat at some point in their marriages."

So men cheat out of boredom, and women cheat out of vengeance. Both are equally promiscuous, but which is the lesser evil? Does it really matter, because it seems as though it is almost impossible to have a life-standing relationship these days. A friend of mine told me once. A man will cheat, not now maybe, but he will cheat, in some form or another, that day will come. These thoughts have disturbed me for years. And growing older, watching couples i know of fall apart and marriages that are based and maintained by lies and deceptions, it makes me wonder, if marriage vows should be altered to include the phrase " i will not have sexual relationships with another being till death do us part."

Just yesterday, My housemate bumped into a man we both know. A husband of a very beautiful woman, a father of two gorgeous little girls. Just a couple of months ago, we both were amazed by the transformation his wife had gone through. She must have easily shed 10 pounds and looked ravishing, more than ever. And yesterday, My housemate bumped into him with another younger girl in his arms. Variety you say? As i look at all the "datins" and "mrs" in the gym working their asses off to maintain their body, it makes me wonder what is the drive behind this conviction and perseverance. Mine, for now is purely for my own feel good feeling. Will i fall into that category one day? Botox and gym and slimming salons all for the sake of a man who you can't let go because you love him so dearly and you're fighting so hard to provide "variety" for his sexual appetite?

God knows..

Bodily Images


It's been a month or so I've been going to the Gym. I finally signed up for a two year long commitment to pay money just to get fit. While many people tried to convince me along the way that it's either a waste of money, overrated, or that i don't need it, I'm glad i did. I sort of found myself in a comfort zone which i can just hide in and emerge looking better. It's like my very own private cocoon. Well, i kinda sorta want to turn into a butterfly. My version of what a butterfly should look like.


I've been on the same battlefield with "Weight" as long as i can remember. For only short periods of my life, i've been off the field. Therefore, i can consider myself a veteran. Truth is, it is extremely easy for myself to lose a bunch of weight coupled with unreasonable convictions and extremes, But this time around, I'm hoping to do it the right way, kick off that damn smoking addiction alongside, and emerge as my very own idea of a butterfly.

I've always had people telling me i am fine, so why do i need to obsess about my weight. But what people sometimes fail to understand is, everyone has a different bodily perception of what is considered "fine" and what is considered " perfect ". I guess it is part and parcel of personality and the role the person sees himself or herself to be in the society. And while you wonder how looking a certain size or having certain percentage of body fats can do any good in your role in the society. Let me explain myself.

There are people who don't need to be super fit or super skinny to look good. My good friend Jo is a good example. She can put on 10 pounds or lose 10, and she still has that x-factor. She is a fabulous model to exemplify how she focuses on her good points and uses it to boost her confidence. Jo has an exceptionally exotic look for a regular Chindian. And Jo has killer legs, before, during and even after her pregnancy. She might not necessarily has the most sculpted abs or either perfect boobs or butt, but she focuses on what makes her feel confident. It is really how the person is internally that predetermines how the person wants to look outside.

So people tell me i am obsessed because i ask at least 3 different people once a day if i put on weight. That is because for me, my bodily image is almost everything to me. I'm far from saying that My opinion is THE opinion. But i am talking on a personal level.

Looking good is not an option for me. I need that in order to function in the different tasks in my everyday life regardless of whether it is relevant to it or not. For example, I will never be able to accept cellulite on my arms. Or having my excesses bulge over my jeans. If it is in my power to change it, i will work hard and fight it off my body. I am NOT fine with the way i look now. I like being a size "0" and i think it is nothing wrong to be bony. I don't like having an ass which protrudes, nor do i like having well endowed breasts. I love hands which are sculpted and backs of swimmers. I can't stand saree fats or love handles. Blemishes are not accepted. Yet i can tolerate wrinkles and an untrimmed pair of eyebrows.

What i am trying to say is, just because some people have different standards or requirements for their personal bodily image, it doesn't necessarily mean that it is "sick" or "unhealthy".

WHat is Your acceptable body image? And how willing are you to defend it and not get sucked into the trends and critcisms out there?

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

House Arrested

I've always been the sort to fall sick easily. Makes me kind of embarassed , and slightly upset that everytime an important back breaking task has ended, i'm literally cornered by a flu or sore throat. Though it is nice to slack off and take a break a little, i cannot take quarantines.. And after my trip to the doctor today, i am to stay home for the next 5 days until my darn flu and cough goes off...


Before you jump off your chair, i'm clear of the H1N1 infection. Did a swab test and voila! However, my immunity is betraying me therefore i am to stay home until i fully recover so that i do not catch the virus from someone else while i'm out.

So what have i been doing since noon? Hmm, i've watched tv, browsed online for recipes, and helped myself to an overdose of PS2. Anyone would love my life now i guess. 5 days of nothingness! I do slack whenever i get the chance to despite some people who see me as a workaholic. Kathy knows it. She smiles and snickers when she sees me doing it. It is just the prospect of having nothing to do for the next 5 days that is driving me bonkers! I'm sure by tommorow night i'll be sick of the PS2. And perhaps i'l drive over to my apartment to put the oven to good use since i'm pretty sure kathy and piggy can't possibly pass me anything foul! Maybe i'l make homemade pizza or burger patties from scratch! Yummy.. Problem is, salary's late, again... And it's not really advisable to spend the little pennies i have left from my last LATE salary to splurge on comfort food. And oh shoots.. I can't even go to the damned supermarket. Furthermore! I can't go to the gym and i'm not about to allow myself to pile on any fats just because i'm bored. I'm a little tempted to take those tiny pink pills the doctor prescribed for me to get some sleep. Sigh... WHAT DO I DO???

Gosh, the next thing i know i'd be looking at wedding dresses just for fun! It's so ironic how i can find so little to do on the danged World Wide Web!

Monday, June 29, 2009

MJ


The world has lost yet another great music icon. Michael Jackson transcended all boundaries of being a great musician, a spectacular performer, and a being which defied all odds of nature.


As a child, i was afraid of MJ. Pretty much due to the reason that my first memories of MJ when i was 6 years old was the amazing Thriller video which still sends chills down my spine. When i was 11 and my cousin bought me tickets to accompany her to the first Asian tour MJ has ever had in Singapore. i was reluctant. He still scared me, though i could not help but bob to the beat of his Music. The concert was life changing. I never again felt that negative energy about him, nor did i ever attend a concert that lived up to his ever again in my life.


I remember that we had tickets which were on the far end paddock. MJ was visible to me like a size of an ant. I couldn't see his face or moves very well since we were very VERY far away from the stage but there were big screens everywhere. But he was one hell of a performer! MJ was an artist where every concert mattered to him and he never failed to make it known to his fans. The fireworks and the grandeur and extravagance of his concert was enough to put me through a trance. It was the best, and is still the best concert i have ever attended in my life. From then on, i tried mimicking the moon walk, the thriller dance and joined the adorning MJ revolution that has swept across the world.


Despite all the criticized changes that MJ has made to himself as well as the music industry, there will never be another legend like himself. And he will never be forgotten by the billions who have been fortunate to be graced by his music and presence since their childhood.


RIP MJ

Thursday, June 18, 2009

WHAT The EFFING HELL!

Im back to complain, as usual, after all for those of you who know me, i have a zeal for nitpicking. I make to big a deal out of everything and scrutinize everything that is absolutely unnecesary. sighh... my my what a bitch i can be...


Less than a month ago, the old Jaya supermarket which was supposedly "scheduled" for demolition in an area where there are residential houses and shops within 20 freaking meter of the site collapsed suddenly. 7 workers gave their lives in this gruesome "accident". Now not one effing resident nor tenant of the shops within that 20 meters were notified. No evacuation was done. But developers claim it was an unfortunate incident and NOW they get the residents to evacuate to some bloody city hall for weeks in case the rest of Jaya crumbles. Ohh wait wait.. Better still, no action taken because it was an "accident", and the people who perished were "INDON WORKERS" and they "evacuated some residents nearby but did not evacuate a next door 5 storey mall because there are "too many vendors". So the city council said that the three firms involved are currently "blacklisted" from all their projects in "selangor".. He forgot to add the "only". SO these ma-fuckers can go on running their irresponsible backsides in other states and endanger many many many other lives.. because Shhh.... other people won't know right?

So okay okay. U can say i am being too cerewet. Because I'm harping on an incident that happened almost 20 days ago. Because according to the Malaysian mentality, if nothing is done about it, no hope so why harp on it right? Just give up on the topic and move on.. Might as well focus on news such as the prime minister and his wive visiting children in the orphanage because it is a very rare thing now isnt it? Fine fine, i'll do that.

So anyhoos, A few days after that, The roof of the RM300million Stadium Sultan Mizan Zainal Abidin in Terengganu collapsed. The stadium was less than a year old but oh well, whats the point of making a big "hoo-ha" over it because nobody died, isn't it? So if the contractor was at fault for negligence, then he must face the consequences said some effing minister. SO, LEts re-evaluate. a roof of a barely 1 year old building caves in to cause absolute damage of half the stadium, but we are "not" very sure whether negligence is involve huh? hmmm, we have to investigate first because who knowss, it might be labelled as another "natural disaster" or "accident".

Now wait wait. There's moreee.. Today i took the monorail from Maharajalela to KL sentral. Because i thought it would be far more convenient than taking a cab and risk being stuck in a massive jam. So i reached Kl sentral, got off the monorail and walked a mighty long way to get to kl sentral because the main straight entrance was blocked due to construction work. Now i think it was very responsible of these people to block of the main entrance for safety purpose since there are heavy machinery plopped all over the place, however, what got me thinking is whether these "responsible" developers are going to see the simple rationale that they would need to build more affordable underground parking for the public whom they have robbed a huge ass area of parking space from. Or are they going to have the "vision" to possibly widen the road to avoid the already perpetual traffic jam from become unmmovable? We'll just have to see now don't we? But i think we already knowthe answer

On today's newspaper, the health authorities shut down hundreds of restaurant in Klang in fear of an epidemic of disease due to the hygeine violations. One might wonder, why on earth in Klang only? What bout Masjid India, a food haven shared where rodens and hawkers share the same property? A place where Splattered blood and dirt cover walls of the eateries with hardly any fresh supply of water and drains clogged with things you simply cannot imagine? Now that is not disgusting enough to be shut down??

And citizen rights.. Elections are very far away, so lets build high voltage cables over residential areas without seeking their permission, sneaking in the middle of the night to offering compensation, or building insulation to ensure it doesn't harm the health of thousands of residents in the area. Then ignore complaints because anything which is money making is a breeding down for bribery.

What the fuck man seriously??? This really makes me think.. If a bloody typewriter awarded to a blind girl could make news on the newspaper with a fair enough picture to go along with it, and yet we close two eyes shut to justifications of death trials, collapsing buildings and hazardous constructions in our very own neighborhood, what kind of fucking people are we? seriously.. somebody answer me. Am i the only one here who is supposedly "ranting" over these preposterous happenings in this doomed nation?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

the BLAH point of life

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom in life even though you've been through worse before. It's just a point of life where nothing seems to be going your way and what exasperates you is that nothing is within your control. From wrong color choices of curtains to match your room wall, to couches that do not fit because you miscalculated the measurements, to a bed that just wont arrive, to a matteress that you know you can't afford even if the bed arrived, to a job which is fulfilling your aesthetic needs but not your pocket needs.


I knew this path would be tough, and i'm more than blessed to have so many people around handing me money whenever i need it. It's not like i'm on the brink of starvation, or luxury is compromised, but everything that i have today is on charity basis, and that can hurt the "self" quite a fair bit.

If there's one thing i pride myself for, it would be my achievements. And achievements can be from big to mundane items. From being able to achieve something big, up to being able to buy the damn vase that i had my eyes on for the longest time. But everything i have is charity. Not that i don't appreciate or need the charity, it's just that it would feel better if it came out of my very own pocket..

Sigh...no wonder there is a saying that charity workers are the ones who need the biggest charity.. I sadly fall in that category..

Friday, May 22, 2009

The UnSung Heroes


As a little kid, i used to to admire civil servants. From postmen, to nurses, to garbage collectors and even firemen. And as a child, i used to think that when i grow up someday, i would want to be one of them. Before you judge me for my low asspiration in life, the fact of the matter is that every child goes through that phase. It's called innocence. Right after their parents, people who seem to be important to ensure that our daily lives remain functional are the heroes. It is not naive, nor is it childish. It makes perfect sense, and we as adults often forget to acknowledge it. 


As children grow older, we always insinuate ambitions like being a doctor, engineer, lawyer, architect or a leader. No parents would encourage their children to choose a path to be of service to mankind. Simply because it is a humbling occupation, not to mention the peanuts these people get paid. We never thank the nurses or the "amahs" (bed-pan collectors) in hospitals, we never look up to the cleaners who keep our nostrils unblocked by pungent odor. We don't think about the people who labor at the factory to sew us clothes and weave the cloth, but we rave over the brilliance of designers. We don't look up to the grease sodden contractors who work 16 hours a day building our homes and cities. But we look up to the engineers and architects who overlook the technical and artsy fartsy parts of the process. 

No doubt all these professionals are needed to build a nation. They labored hard and long in colleges and universities to be capable to bring us technologies. But so are the ones who trade in their labor and sweat. Without blue collared workers, technology and development cannot be materialised. It would just be another idealogy, theory or invention. They are often overshadowed by the ones bearing the glamorous titles and salutations. And we do not see it..

These are the unsung heroes, because if there wasn't them to do the "dirty job" there would be no glamour in our lives after all. Maybe it's time we learn to take an effort to show our gratitude and be nicer to the next person who serves us.