Heal The World

Despite all the homosexual and pedophilic accusations Michael Jackson endured throughout his career, he is a Legend. From the man who defied God’s will of him being black, to the fortune he spent on humanitarian work. Of course, philanthropy and benevolence does not sell, scandals and tittle-tattles do, and therefore he is known as the crotch-grabbing freak who’s obsessed with Diana Ross’s facial features, as well as the callous father

 who hangs his baby out of the balcony for the paparazzi.

During our book launch last Saturday, a choir of refugee children sang the classic, Heal The World by Michael Jackson. It was an emotional moment for all of us, even “us” who have heard them sing it during rehearsals prior to the event. A turnout of almost 400 people who consisted of VIP’s from embassies and international organisations, NGO representatives, refugees, and civilians who supported the cause who joined us in celebrati

on of the book launch struggled to keep the lump down their throats. Hankies were pulled out and sniffing was heard around the hall. As the Emcee of the night, and a person who wasn’t new to the song, I had a personal struggle to keep my composure.

The song had such an impact, especially because sung by the refugee children who have no future. They not only sang the song, but the conviction and plea they incorporated in the lyrics of the song tugged the heartstrings of many present. It reminded us of our universal commitment in protecting the weaker group. The whole event was filled with emotions from outrage to compassion.

We would like to thank the many who were present for the book launch. From the VIP’s who took time from their busy schedules to the refugees who braved the potential risk of being arrested while journeying to the venue to be part of the event. It was a success and from the donation book sales, we managed to raise a whopping RM1850 for the Shelter for Trafficked Victims ( another domestic worker program at Tenaganita). All 300 copies of Revolving Door Books were sold out in less than an hour.

I am convinced that I am doing what I not only love, but a greater profession and I cannot be happier to wake up to every morning. It can be emotional draining, but when I think of what these people go through everyday, I forget my infinitesimal woes.

If you would like to purchase a copy of the revolving door, do email me at charlenefay83@gmail.com. Donations as you deem fit is welcomed to aid the funding of the Shelter for Trafficked Victims.

Thank you Team –GBV for your relentless efforts and teamwork in making this event a historical one. 

The apple does fall far from the tree

I went home over the weekend. It was short trip but i was glad i did. There were many things to oversee, especially since we just got our new house and need to transform it into a home... 

Over lunch, my father gently prodded about my job. He peered over his Star newspapers and read aloud the recent happenings in our political fiasco.

"I hope you're not involved in any opposition parties." clearly the recent ISA arrests are scaring him.

"I am not important enough to get INVOLVED pa," i thread carefully... "But i do have an opinion, and i am not afraid to voice it. It is not wrong to have an opinion isn't it?"

" My father kept silent. Clearly worried and wishing i was an average dumb blond that very moment."

My father is a peace loving man and God-fearing man. He may take words too literally but he's a good man. I'd like to think that i'm much like him. But somehow i fell really far from the tree. 

I don't just love peace as much as the average joe or jane-doe. I crave, fight, advocate and live for peace. Just that i have a different definition of it. Peace is something so precious but yet hard to achieve. Same way i wish at times that i will not leave my program not being able to make a difference in the level of peace that exists here in Malaysia

Since i've joined this profession, i've found it hard to feel happy without being a total hypocrite. THere is just too much of unjust right here, right now that it makes me sick to my stomach. Unjust in the workforce, unjust in equality, unjust in basic human rights and unjust in the system. There is hardly a reason why everyone should plaster a smile on their faces. And if they say "Life is good", they're either totally oblivious, in denial or are total selfish bastards.

I am a ardent reader of Marina Mahathir's blog since years ago. Before all these political turmoils became a part my daily life. Recently, when i read her blog posts, i was convinced that she is nothing like her father, and it sort of comforted me. I sometimes wonder what her father feels when he reads her blogs. Does he feel disappointed that she does not share his visions or is he secretly jealous of her ability to be graciously yet accurately honest about the situation in Malaysia? Well, guess we'll never know...

Power is an odd possession. It makes people lose humanity and all rational. And maybe thats why a knowledgeable lay-man will be able to give a better prognosis compared to a man of power. At least his views are not skewed towards what benefits him or what is politically correct...

My father is a man of virtue. But he sometimes fail to understand that peace cannot be obtained without a struggle. And charging people under ISA will not confound the rest of the rakyats who know it better to believe in the current system. 

If there is one thing i'm proud of Malaysians is that our generation has fallen far from the tree. There is at least a majority who does not see tyranny as peace. That is why Malaysia is what it is today. Not because this group of leaders are any worse than the previous batch, it is because we have finally stepped out of the mold...We are no longer a generation guided by traditions or culture. We are becoming a nation guided by compassion and common sense... Though the number is small now... I believe it will grow, for the greater good...

The Revolving Door

The book is finally here! After all the blood, sweat and tears that all parties involved had poured into the book, it's finally here. Please do RSVP to attend the book launch on the 27th September 2008 at 5pm in Mandarin Court Hotel ,Jalan Maharajalela, Kuala Lumpur to show your support in acknowledging basic human rights for the Burmese refugees.

Your presence will be greatly appreciated! Thank you and see you this Saturday!!!!!!!!

Please do drop a mail to RSVP at charlenefay83@gmail.com

There is a "List"!!!

" In Politics, What Begins in Fear, Usually Ends in Folly"
-Coleridge-

So there is a "list". A "list" where if your name happens to be on it, you can be charged under the Internal Security Act (ISA). Whilst nobody knows if the "list" truly exists, it doesn't really matter if it does or does not anyway. Because fear has been instilled, regardless of whether it is a rumour or not.

Rumors have it that the "list" contains names of bloggers that are on the watch. Bloggers who are a wrong word away from being thrown into detention in the name of National security. How comforting is it that we are being protected from malicious liars who are instigating racial disharmony and seem to have an opinion of why Malaysia's stock market is starting to drop below the 900 points mark? (rolls eyes)

So besides losing the freedom of speech, we are losing the freedom of opinions. Might as well make us China, where everything is filtered before it reaches the public so that a "culture" can be preserved.

Someone wise told me today that Revolution is never a pretty thing. But the fruits of a revolution is always sweet, as proven throughout history. People who are willing to support a revolution are not just daredevils or rebels. They are called humans. The classification which separates us from animals. Beings with spine and fully developed brains. Malaysia has never been through a revolution. I suspect many are still not ready for the change. The few that are, are now crippled with the fear that there is a "list". Gosh... and we used to criticize the CIAs. Sure....we're very different.

The next few months might just be as bad as its rumoured to be. How many more innocent people with an "opinion" will be arrested? Or do we not care? Because we're malaysians what.... Tidak Apa Attitude is our identity. We're like the famous three monkey figures (See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil). Only in this case, we are not doing it out of what we believe. It is out of fear.... Ye Man of Little Faith!

If there was a new government, will life really be better for those who have it bad now? Will the privileged really have to compromise their privileges and embrace equal rights? Will there be a change in human rights? Will it really boost our economy? Will we achieve Wawasan 2020?

Well, i guess we'll never know...Ye man of little faith......

The start of a beauty regime.....

Yesterday, during lunchtime, i sneaked out of office quietly and walked to the nearest mall. Well, it wasn't very near anyways, but it was THE nearest.. I had quietly snuck out with an aim. An aim to buy anti-aging products. Sigh... yes yes, wrinkles had found me....

A few years ago, when i would go out with my friends for a beer or two, i'd always be asked for identification. No no, it's not because they suspect i might be muslim, since i do look like a malay, but mainly because, they could not decide if i was underaged or not.

As much of a hassle it was, having to pull out my identification card everytime i walk into Chili's for a margarita, i kind of miss those days. Two years ago, people still mistook me for a teenager. I was 23 and they thought i was 18. How sweet.... Now, people guess my age! People actually think i look 23-24 and some even hit the jackpot by guesing 25! :(

Always having thought that my skin is in good condition. I realised fine lines the pessimists call crow's feet under my eyes last month!!!!! I've minimised make-up all my life, used reputable products so they don't spoil my skin and scrub my face once every 2 week for that healthy glow!

Alas....these were all not enough! My laziness of toning and moisturizing my face on a daily basis has taken a toll on my youth....And it's just the lifestyle i lead, the smoke, the sun, the lack of sleep, lack of exercise. I finally look my age and it's not the best feeling ever....

I used to wonder why women were so obsessed with youth! I thought then that i'll be happy to age gracefully, relish the transition of being a girl-lady-woman. Now that my time is here, now i understand why botox is that popular!

Succumbing to all the anti-aging and prevent-aging advertisements i've been bombarded with, And having the sales-lady at the SK II counter point out my triple eyebags with alarm and my uneven patchy skin tone, i decided to purchase my first SK II miracle water to try and see if it'd really work miracles with my skin....It hurt my wallet.. But if it'd help my skin, i don't mind it.....

We'll just have to wait and see.......

Baby blues...

I developed an odd feeling towards pregnancy since the late of last year.. Just a feeling that this could happen to me too! And it's not a good feeling.

This thought randomly ran through my mind. And i will not even try to justify a bit that it doesn't scare me alot. Many of my friends became mothers overnight in the past year. The list is still growing. And somehow, pregnancy before vows which they previously judged upon or scorned upon previously seem like a natural instinct they could just embrace overnight... I always probed on why they seem calm and accept it with joy. I would imagine sobbing and resentment and total lost of which path to thread on thereafter. Somehow, they always seem calm. My friend told me today, "nasi sudah jadi bubur, accept it with joy laaa,"

I get extremely thrilled when my friends get pregnant. I look forward to watching the bump grow, choose names with them, shopping for baby clothes and expect a new bouncing baby at the end of 9 months. Sadly, i can't see myself there yet. I'm just not ready..

Personally, there are some rites of passage in my life that i cannot imagine not going through. Like the first crush, the first rejection, the first kiss, the first day in college, the first time moving out of the house, first job, The type of rites that once you miss, you'll never be able to turn back time and relive it again.

I've always been a planner. ( boring i know ) Not a "que sara sara" person... definitely not. And therefore there are many things i expect to experience in life. And not to mention, i am a hopeless sucker for romanticism!

I've always fantasized about what my proposal will be like. How my engagement ring would look like. How i would plan and theme my wedding day. What dress i'd wear, and where my honeymoon will be. And then, what my reaction will be like when i do get pregnant one day. Will we plan it, will it be a surprise. I don't expect everyone to think like i do, this is my personal desire and wish.

I think women who are mothers overnight and embrace it with grace and faith are extraordinary women. It take alot to digest the fact especially when the non-traditional way is taken in a culture like ours which is still predominantly still very much traditional. To me, it is not about worrying about the shame of getting knocked up. That is the least of what anyone should worry about in today's world. Women have proven to be excellent single mothers. I think that women who are mothers and wives overnight are extremely strong. It's not easy to suddenly step into both at once. I know for sure, i can't do that. I am just not that strong.

I applaud all the women who are embracing this new changing point as a gift in their lives. You really are something!

Finally! and again... my "first" sucked...

Finally! All the documentation and roller coaster in getting my new house is done! I'm just waiting for the excess money to be cashed in now. So that my parents and i can start the minor renovations asap!

It's so much of trouble when you buy a property of any sort. I have not heard of ONE single person i know of who's had a transaction smooth sailing. There's always complications... Always...

I wonder whether it is the surge of expectations that causes the distress. Getting something new is always exciting. I mean, Good Lord, i go gaga over clothes that i purchase at least once every month! What more when buying your first property! Like every "firsts" in life, there's always ridiculous expectations and we're often let down...

This is the journey of me getting my house...

I grew up and still live in a low-cost 2-bedroom house. Though it's not that shabby, I always wanted my parents to have that garden to plant all their crap! ( i do not fancy gardening, though i do love beautiful gardens) =) And a bigger house where we can have a guest room.

Finally, an opportunity came despite my barely enough salary. My aunt's house was up for sale, a house which had land, was within my budget, and a house full of memories ( i grew up there because my aunt babysat me when i was young)

My aunt decided to sell it to me at a price below market value. I knocked on bank doors like a beggar and finally! HSBC decided to give me a loan, way above what i asked for.

Then the real trouble came.. And i used to wonder why people often say its best not to do business with family. My aunt's daughter wanted to raise the price because i got a higher loan. Ridiculous and i refused. Then she decided to fire her lawyer because her lawyer was not in favor of her actions and advised her against her attempt to cheat me. Then the bank reduced my loan amount because the entire transaction took way too long. My cousin, knowing i just started work, wanted a 10% deposit! Which she expected me to rob, beg, steal, as long as i gave it to her.. And a series of many others unpleasantries......

So finally! Last week everything was settled. And my parents collected the keys on monday. But truthfully, it was more of a relieve the whole drama was finally over and that after the transaction, i would want nothing to do with that FOUL cousin of mine! The sad part is, i was relieved, not happy, ecstatic or overwhelmed i finally secured my first property, a landed property! I was robbed of my enthusiasm and again, for many times in my life, my "First" was tainted with disdain and resentment....

All i can hope is that the renovation process will perk me up again! It is exciting to furnish a house, though i won't be staying there, because it's in Johor Bahru. But my parents house will always be home to me in a way or another and it sure feels good to own my very own house..

Sighh.. Que sara sara

Just My Take.... No Offense

Since many years ago, I've seen this "phenomenon" and it never really jocked my thoughts up till this very day.

Many of my non-muslim friends fast along during the Ramadhan month. Some do it out of respect, some do it out of obligations, some do it out of the spirit of awaiting the festive season, some do it out of support, some do it as opportunity to diet, some do it to detoxify their bodies, and some do it, in a pharasies' fashion

My point is, if you want ot fast (whatever your reason is), then do it without expecting credit. Or expecting the whole world to treat you special. Do it without a grudge, or without being moody, or without trying to justify all the damn time WHY you are fasting.

Talk about your experience its fine, but if you want to lament then don't do it..

And i apologize if it's offensive in any way...It's just my opinion...

A battered woman's words : Because He Loves Me

Inspired by someone i hold dear to my heart....


When he feels upset,
For adorning myself with silk and pearls,
That others may lust for my beauty,
I know he loves me...

When jealousy gets the better of him,
for having companions of the opposite sex,
It's because he loves me...

When he wants all my time,
And none of mine to my close ones,
It's because he loves me....

When he kisses me,
And want to do it till third base,
It because he loves me.....

When he grabs my hands till it hurts,
Because i anger him,
It's only because he loves me....

When he checks my messages,
And monitors my every move,
It's because he cares for me

When he makes love to me,
And doesn't use the rubber,
It's because he wants me.....

When he doesn't call or pick up the phone,
And makes me small for wanting him to do so,
It's because he loves me....

When the test strip turns blue,
And he tells me "we're not ready"
That "this" little one has to go,
It's because he loves me....

When he doesn't have a job,
And share my earnings,
Because we're one,
And he loves me....

When he cuts me off from my friends and family,
And tell me he's the only one i need,
I know he loves me....

When the strip turns blue again,
And we say "i do"
It's because he loves me...

When he shoves me around,
And kick me when he's drunk,
I know he still loves me....

When the baby is crying,
And he sleeps while i change and feed,
I know he's tired all the time,
And i know he still loves me...

When he comes home at wee hours,
Refusing me an explanation,
He says i don't trust him enough,
Even though he loves me....

When he shouts at me in public,
Or in front of my loved ones,
I know i was at fault,
And that he loves me...

When he hits me,
and count down till he does it again,
I know i was stubborn and rude,
I hope he still loves me....

When he slaps me,
Disciplines me like a pet,
He's teaching me to be a better person,
Because he loves me...

When he tells me i'm a horrible wife,
And a failed mother,
And is stupid and of no use,
He is trying to guide me to the right path,
Because he loves me....

When he disagrees of my faith,
And tells me i tricked him into wedding vows,
And my mother has not taught me enough manners,
I hope he still loves me...

When he says my father's a bum,
And my mother's a whore,
I must have did something wrong,
i atone and hope,
he still loves me...

When he hits me with more than his hands,
And uses pain as a punishment,
I know he's only doing that,
because he loves me...

When he apologizes,
For all the battering and bruises,
And points out i started it in the first place,
And that it will never happen again,
I'm happy,
Because he truly loves me...

When the battering and bruises come back,
I think of his promises
There is hope,
And believe that pain is worthwhile,
Because he is the only one who loves me...