Doesn't Take a Dime to be Polite...

Someone of authority told me recently, that I failed at what i did because I was unable to command authority and respect. When I asked what I should have done differently, the answer was, "to insist and command those below you to do what you need them to, by hook or crook".Something in that sentence didn't seem quite right, or moral. Yet that's the way the world is today. U kick, push, blame, crush, annihilate those of competition, to get what you want. Granted I may be living in the wrong age and time, but I still believe that genuine politeness, gets you to everywhere rudeness doesn't get you to.

I was watching Oprah recently and she had a whole episode dedicated to addressing rude people. If there's anything that ticks me off and makes me act like a crazy bitch, it is when people are unnecessarily rude. I stand by the principles that if i don't treat you like shit, you sure as hell have no right to treat me like shit. If I have to decency to be polite, then you damn well be polite if you choose to converse with me.

Maybe I am no leader by any means. But if being polite and understanding makes me less of a leader, then I am at utmost peace with myself.

My Grandfather's Legacy

I've read stories of grandfathers who were super cool and indulging. I've heard stories of cherished memories of grandparents who have left an imprint in their grandchildren's heart, and someone that they can run to when mom and dad decides to wield the cane. The word "grandad' itself, associates with love, compassion, smell of prunes or tobacco, and a wrinkly old teddy bear.

My one and only living grandfather that I have, bears none of the above traits, except that he is also old and wrinkly. For as long as I can remember, my grandfather was a disciplinarian, or rather, someone who was nonchalant. While his children reminisce about their father in his younger days, I couldn't help but notice the blind love and fillial piety they have for him, despite the fact that he was not a very good husband or father. But if there was one thing he did right, it is to father 11 children who worshiped the ground he walked on, and love him unconditionally.

My earliest recollection of my grandfather, was him giving me a whack on my back, over a christmas present that I was fighting with my cousin for. (the present was mine, and my cousin took it). I was too young to have my feelings hurt. Although he never sat me on his knee and told me stories, i have good memories of him. Like how when I used to visit during school holidays, he would buy always me chicken rice on his way back from town (only for me, not even for my mom and dad) and the nursery rhymes he composed which he taught every me and every one of my cousins. He was never affectionate, he never communicated with us much, other than grunts and sighs, but he was a legacy.

My grandfather was a a teacher his entire life. He not only taught at the local town school, he also taught at the local town kindergarden, and  taught tuition at home. He spent most of his life in Mersing, a small town by the sea, so almost every person in Mersing, was taught by him at some point of their lives. He has been a mentor to almost everyone in that town.

When I pass my business card around, people either stare at my card for a few reasons. They are either shocked by the fact that I am not the race they thought i was, or either, my surname brought back memories. As a part of the only eurasian Murray family in Malaysia, if you know another Murray, he/she is definitely related to me. A few days back when i passed my name card at at event. And two men walked up to me and told me that they were students of my grandfather. The recollected the time he used to carry around the big fat "rotan" and told me how my grandfather had changed their lives. For the first time, I was ashamed to have thought that there was nothing great about my grandfather all these while. My grandfather, is a living legacy.

At 102 years old this year, my grandfather might have lost his memory, and find difficulty in moving around independently, but he is still a vivid memory of the many lives that he had touched and changed through his unfailing role and passion to teach.

He might not have been the perfect father, or the typical grandfather, but he left us something greater, a legacy where our family name, was associate with greatness, compassion and dedicated servitude.

What's good for the soul?

As common and mouldy as the saying is, a leopard really can't change its spots. Same goes with people, practices and strategies in human communication can change if we make an effort. But what's inside us, character, instinct and personality is something you can mask, but never really change.

This doesn't mean that all's bad and doomed because we don't really change. For example, if a person is prone to be soft hearted, it's kind of a good thing.. It simply means compassion lives deep within her, and as much as she tries to mask it, when it does surface, it only makes this world a better place.

I have been trying to change all year. My ideals, my dreams and even my personality. B* used to call me a "doormat" as a joke. But in some ways, i knew he was right. Problem is, it wasn't something i could fix since being a doormat was a result of my personality. It was something deep down inside that i would like to think of as the need to be compassionate and emphatise, rather than being in possession of a frail leadership trait. 

But what I failed to realise till the very last few days, that there was one thing I could change, that would definitely make my life a happier one at least. I could learn to ignore. I could learn to distance myself from people who were bad to my personal self growth. I could choose to be more selective over calling people my friends. I could live in my own bubble and still be happy. Whoever said it's a dog eat dog world out there, clearly has a dominating personality, and not to mention a selfish trait, a need to justify the oppression of other people to feel good about himself. It is does not matter if he is right or wrong, but in his defense, he feeds of the fear he instills in others for selfish feel good reasons. 

So here's what I think. This is not a Dog eat Dog world that we make it out to be. Because we think it is, we behave in a certain way as a defense mechanism to protect ourselves which inevitably, has certainly made it more of such. We can co-exist and give in to the possibility that someone out there, who is better than us. We don't always have to be the best, or always right. We can choose to be just great. Our way of accomplishing things, are not the only solution to get things done right or more effectively. We can choose to be selfish and own up that we have taken that choice, rather than find ways to justify our choices. We  can choose at the end of the day, to recognize other people's efforts first, before judging their shortcomings. 

The point behind this whole rambling is, that we don't acknowledge that personalities do not change, but our actions can. I think I am a nice person. Perhaps way too nice sometimes to the point of being a pushover, but I kind of like myself the way I am. At least i'm at peace with it. All I can do, is avoid people who are pushovers, and perhaps admit openly that I know I am at risk of being run over by over ambitious, narcissistic people  and life will be fine and dandy. I don't think I need to change after all. I think I just need to find people who accepts me the way I am, and is open to look beyond my faults, and recognize my efforts.

It's not about you... It's about me.. And it's time I take ownership over celebrating the "me" that I am.