What do You want me to do?

Hi, It’s me again. I know its been quite some time since I have spoken to You. Infact, I sort of lost contact because I thought that speaking to You via my thoughts every time I thought of You would be sufficient. I thought that I didn’t need to show the world that I have to go Your house by being in touch with You. I thought that You knew my pledged allegiance to You had not faltered just because I didn’t do it through the conventional kneel and pray method. Maybe I was wrong.

So here I am. And I need to ask You what is it You have planned for me. I need You to tell me or remind me again what my calling is. Because I think I am way passed confused. See, I thought I was dumb that’s why I never made it to Med school or didn’t take up the chance to study IT when it was “the” thing everyone was doing when I left school. But You sort of showed me a different path. You gave me signs that I could be destined for bigger things than sitting in a big ergonomic chair and having people run my errands. You gave me a heart. You made sure that I felt miserable wherever I went as long as I wasn’t helping someone other than myself. So when I found joy and satisfaction and my skills excelled to the brim when I was doing social work. I believe You had chosen that calling for me. Because frankly, my family loves money. All of them near and distance relatives. They live, fight, eat, breathe for money. And yet me made me oddly different. Well, not that I don’t love money too, but maybe not as much as they do.

So I gained skills in other areas where I believed You have truly blessed me with. Skills not everyone can do as well as I can. That special human touch you embedded into my soul. But now, I’m at crossroads that seems to have no way out. My options that are in front of me are truly what I believe was not Your initial calling that You had for me. And I think You need to help me out here. Because You said, ‘ask and you shall receive’. So I’m asking, believing that You will grant me what I am asking for.

I am miserable because I “feel” like I have a calling. Yet, this calling seems to be making me poorer and seems to be making my family suffer more because of my lack of cash. And then I’m also miserable because if I were to do a job which is not my calling, my family will not suffer, but “I” will suffer emotionally beyond redemption. So what is it now? Either way, am I supposed to be this miserable?

See, there are a few jobs that are what I think You would want me to do. Which could make both my family and me content. So I am asking You to help me. I want those jobs I applied for, any one of them because I know I can sort of do something which is ‘humane” and still not suffer in this money oriented world. Why are the ones who are prosperous the ones who are not doing good for Your people? Not very fair is it?

I will try to faithfully go to Your house every week. I will try to not swear and curse and think of the worse of people. I will try not to fail You as a follower. And I hope that You will hear me this time around and help me because frankly, I think You are the only One who can now. Maybe You might come across my blog, who knows? , if I don’t manage to reach You via private conversations, messengers or telepathy.

Thank You..