It's time to Weed out the Weeds

Year 2010, is coming to an end, and although it has gone past in a wink for many others, this year has been a long and "hellish" one for me. From dealing with being laid-off to unpaid wages to jobs that just did not fit me as a person, I've had one hell of a ride, and to be honest, thought that it would never end. I tried to sink myself into positive oblivion that things would get better and that there is such a thing as a silver lining, but yet not truly daring to believe that my life would take a positive turn. And then, at the end of last November, it finally did. I left my journey to no where, and finally started my destination bounded journey.

I wouldn't say that my life is picture perfect now. If it were, I would be carrying my Salvotore Ferragamo, wearing my Jaeger le-Coultre and driving my very own Volkswagon Bug (hehehehe). Materials aside, my life is still less than perfect because I seem to be the only one who is happy with the turn-around. There are still people who are nit-picking at areas of my life which is not, in their idea, as good as it should be.


Everyone has a different perception of what a perfect life is and should be. Therefore, i don't expect anyone to understand why and how I live my life, and i urge you to not implore your ideas on me either. I have a great job, a great man of my life, a great daughter-poodle, and a great small group of friends who matter. I also have a dysfunctional family whom I am at peace with and learnt to accept each and every one of them for their flaws and choices, without having to criticizing them to make my life more colorful. I don't generally compare people with others, so please refrain from comparing me to others of my age group. I find my life a better one, because I get to learn from their mistakes and not be a fool to repeat them. So if you cannot find the strength in you to give me credit for how efficiently I have lived my life avoiding mistakes I have seen people around me make, then thank you very much, but keep your criticisms to yourself! Unless it is constructive, you would most probably spoil my day and risk me detesting you.

Syiok Sendiri...

Have you ever wondered why smelly people do not know that they stink. Or fat people do not realise that tight revealing clothes that show off their barrels are not at all flattering. Or people who brag don't realise they are bragging, Or people who are supposedly expert in a field do not realise when they come along as obnoxious and a "insufferable know it all"?

Well, this post is by far the most politically incorrect post that I have decided to put up on my blog. Many will crucify me and take this as personal attacks. But I assure you, it is just my opinion, and perhaps an individual flaw of my incessant need to judge. But this is my space, and I have all the right in the world to complain as much as I want to. After all, that's what a personal blog is for isn't it?

I think everyone has a side of syiok sendiri that we are not aware of. I thought hard last night, and dug deep and found my side. So before i shoot my mouth condemning the things people do, i'll start with me. I have the most annoying habit of 'sharing what i know' which might come across as being an "insufferable know it all". While my intentions are not to heave my posterior up in the air and act smart, i realised i do come across as a person who is constantly trying to outdo others and prove my intelligence. I am also a stickler when it comes to what i perceive is 'right and wrong'. I am very resistant to challenges of my mindset, and will argue till the cows come home to prove my point. I am also one hell of a "laser mouth" and sometimes suffer from verbal diarrhea especially when my emotions soar. There is hardly a censorship board in my puny brain, and sometimes, i regret saying things that I have said aloud. Having said all that, I am sure that i just as much suffer from the "syiok sendiri" syndrome that I accuse people of having. But the thing is, I am not afraid to admit that i have flaws and acknowledge that I should change the way I communicate with others.

I wished people told me all the above about me to my face. I might be offended for a while (after all, no one likes to be criticized) but it would help me be a better person and be less syiok sendiri. But it's considered politically incorrect to tell someone they are obnoxious, fat, smelly, annoying, a self-proclaimed diva, or an arrogant bastard. At least not in a serious matter of fact way. The truth is, it's always politically incorrect to be honest and blunt. Because everyone likes to think that they are perfect the way they are.

If you know a person who is an object of table topic ( not in a nice way), there's a big possibility that they suffer from "syiok sendiri" symptoms, and since I am over-bearing and an "insufferable know it all", i would encourage you to rip the bandaid and tell the person what you think of him. After all, if you are a true friend, you would point out his/her obvious flaws that makes him less of a desirable company.

Pimping your daughter?

Which mother does not want to have gorgeous children? Especially a daughter who is pretty and all that. As much as asian parents are obssessed about having smart prodigy kids, given a choice, they would want it both ways for their daughters. Brawns and Brains that is...

I remember my teenage days when my wardrobe consisted of skater pants and billabong baggy t shirts. For a moment, my mother started worrying about my sexuality and the agst attitude i was carrying around. So she decided to spruce me up abit. I remember protesting over a pair of shorts she bought for me (to wear out). I remember pulling a long face when she made me try on baby-tees' and bought me proper skin care. I walked away from my mother who openly suggested at the lingerie department that I should get some cutesey colored bras. My father used to tell me, a little lip gloss wouldn't harm, and I looked at him as though he was mad! I was 13, and as far as I was concerned, I just wanted to be left alone and dress the way I deemed fit. My mother always hated my unrully hair and made me cut it really short. But suddenly one day, she told me maybe I should keep it long. I was perplexed. I used to have to fight an arm and leg to have my hair reach my shoulders. Les did I know my parents were preparing me for womenhood. It still sounds corny, but that was exactly what they were doing. They were pimping me! What baffled me more was, a few years down the road, when I was comfortable with skirts, tank tops and spagetti straps, which she had introduced me to, she started worrying about me showing too much skin and attracting unwanted attention.The rest of my teen years, revolved around arguments about my choice of clothes.

No, my parents aren't the only ones who pimped me up.  So did YOUR mom, and all the mothers out there who have daughters, and you, if you are a mom. If you look at the teenage clothes line which is out there in malls, it's pretty shocking that 13 year olds are deciding if they want to go along with the goth, biker-chic, glitzy glamour, or hit the clubs look. And what's more shocking is their mothers who purchase those tacky slutty clothes for their daughters. If that's not pimping up your daughter, I don't know what else is.

It is an unconscious decision to dress your kids up in a the latest trend, and to make sure they don't stand out like a sore thumb among their peers. But mothers, be careful, because the little girl you are dressing up today, might be the slut of the block tomorrow, and it will be your fault partially.

The point is that, mothers are not aware that the simple act of dressing up your daughter, introducing her to make up and teaching her ettiquets, is grooming her to become a sex symbol among her peers in the future. I'm not saying, please wrap her in a bale of cloth, but groom her accordingly, to not only help her find her sense of style and attitude, but also in a modest, moderate way. Your actions can be counter productive at the end of the day, so take caution in how you groom your daughters. Or a simpler thing to do is, to just have sons! =)

It's that time of the year again

It that time of the year again, where mixed feelings never truly leaves you in peace. On one hand, I am ecstatic to have finally taken up my dream job, and on the other hand, I am going to be alone for Christmas for the first time.

Christmas is always the part of the year I look forward to (second in line Chinese New year because of the angpows hehehehe). Christmas celebrations at the Murray's headquarters, all the way in Mersing is always a hustle and bustle and nothing short of havoc. While family members take long drives to make it to my grandfather's house to make it in time for Christmas eve mass, it is always a trepidation for "my" family to beat the clock and traffic to get there in time. Tempers may flare against dilly-dalliers, and dad is always assuming his suitcase is packed with him work documents for 'just-in-cases' and me, wondering, why I am here, and not out with my friends in the big city partying away.When everyone reaches Grandpa's house, cousins will exchange horror stories of being stuck in the car with their parents for long hours and parents will be nagging at us to either help out in the kitchen, or scoot back to the hotel to take a short nap before the midnight mass.

The midnight mass at Mersing is truly a bizzare experience for those who are used to extravagant decos and large crowds back in KL. But it is nothing short of special. While we sit through mass (sometimes without a priest) and sing carols on the top of our voices in the absence of music accompaniments, feelings of warmth and love engulfs us and I  can safely say it for all of my family that all the havoc was worth it, to be back where it truly feels home for christmas.  At the end of mass, the Murrays who normally make up half of the chapel, would exchange hugs and kisses, and all the she-bang that we went through earlier in the day, would be forgotten.

Christmas at the Murray's HQ is a BIG celebration. And it normally stretches from Christmas eve, all the way to the 27th December. Although my grandfather is no longer lucid, and poor Kristin normally sacrifices her real birthday to have a joint celebration with Grandpa, most family members would join in the fun and prolong the holidays as much as they can.

Today when we look at families with 6 children or more, we wonder why they would put themselves through such a predicament. But i have to admit that, growing up with a large extended family, was the most perfect part of my childhood. As much as we sometimes joke about my Grandpa being psychotic to have 11 kids, i thank him, for the biggest (literally) gift he has given to us. Without the gift of family, i would have never experienced family love the way I did. Yes we fight, badmouth, disagree, and get jealous of each another at one point or another, but at the end of the day, it's about love, loyalty and togetherness.

This year, I will be alone, or probably celebrating Christmas in a much smaller fashion. I will be missing my huge crazy, loving (and sometimes dysfunctional) family. I will be missing our regular cousins' dirty beach getaway  every Christmas night. I will be missing my christmas gifts and yummy spread of food which is normally a product of the hours the aunts spend slaving in the kitchen. I will miss seeing my nieces and nephews and coo about how much they have grown over the past year. I will be missing Sri Malaysia Hotel which is always smells mouldy and gushes coffee colored water through its pipes. I will be missing Grandpa's big birthday, 102 years old this Christmas. I will be missing the morning market's nasi dagang, the salty air, the bread bakery who still uses a charcoal oven to bake their goodies and most importantly, I will be missing Mami, Papa, and my entire family who I love to bits and pieces.

Merry Christmas to the entire Murray Clan! I will be missing you sorely... :(

xoxo
Charlene