"The Ghost of The Ex-Boyfriend"

I was chatting with a few friends yesterday. Everyone's life seems to have undergone a facelift. After all, it's been almost a year since I last spoke to them. One year is plenty of time for changes. One of them initiated the breakup and the other got ditched, while I gave up my expertise and landed in a job with a whole new world. While having our three way Msn chatting frenzy, trying to keep up with each another's stories, a particular topic which stuck through the rest of the conversation were about ex-boyfriends

A little disclaimer here, I was the listening ( or rather reading ) party as I didn't have much to share. But these two girls were on opposite poles as to why their relationship ended. And yet they had the same complaints about their ex-boyfriends.

Exhibit A - Dumped her boyfriend because he was "emotionally retarded". Although their relationship lasted 4 years, it was an easy dump because she had a back-up candidate who was more sensitive and adventurous. So, finally giving up on a man who would not give up on Warcraft, futsal and "mamaking" with the guys, she took a chance on a doctor who would make endless romantic love to her every waking and "non-oncall" seconds he had. 


Ex's Progress - He is dating a girl younger than her, way more beautiful than her ( so she says ), and he is a changed man. No more glasses, no more soaking in overnight singlets and sweaty sweats. He goes to salons and not barbers for hair cuts, looks younger because he seems happier


Exhibit B - The one with the cheating boyfriend of 8 years who would always come back for more forgiveness. While she always eventually forgave, and blamed it on herself. He was the sort who was incapable of commitment. She is pretty, has a hot career and a hot body, and a darling to anyone who knows her. One day, he finally dumped her, because she was "merajuking" with him for more than a week, after catching him red-handed again. 


Ex's Progress - Within 6 months of their break up, he settled down with the girl her cheated on her with. To make matters worse, it wasn't that he made her pregnant. He was in love and willing. And she was 10 pounds heavier than exhibit A, probably thrice uglier than exhibit A and worked in a call centre, while exhibit A was a high flying journalist. 

So what were their problems? Well, they were both baffled. Baffled by the fact that they always thought themselves to be the victim of the relationship, the lesser evil of both, the one who deserved better for the good people that they are. But while their lives moved on to relatively greener pastures, they simply couldn't take the lying down of their ex's life moving on the greener pastures of ALL greener pastures!
They were even more baffled by the changes that their Exes have gone through. All those years of trying to change them to cater to their emotional needs, and then Wham! Some other twinky or fugly manages to do it in the matter of months.

This proves that no matter who you date, no matter how awful your relationship is, and no matter how long the relationship ended, you will always live in the ghost of your Exes  if they achieved a milestone before you do; i.e; getting married first, looking better after the break up bounce-back. It's always a competition to who benefited most out of a break up

Best way to deal with this? Total disconnection or cut-off. I know it sounds petty and childish and not to mention brash , but whats pettier than this is to bathe in jealousy over someone whom you thought of as "not-worth" your time and youth.