Boy and Girl Matters

Relationship woes never seem to end, for any couple, for anyone. Whether you are single and looking, single and over and done with, in a relationship, waiting to get out of the relationship, not sure if you want to get out of the relationship; relationship woes remains that steadfast unfaltering part of your daily dilemmas.

So why do we still insist on having a relationship? Isn't companionship all that we seek for? Get a dog, a cat, adopt a baby, make more friends, but alas... human nature, we always crave for more than we already have..adventure, deceit, lies and bumbling through the storm always makes life more interesting....Painful, but a story to tell..

I guess the only thing i can never understand is the reason why people stay in abusive relationships. And in that I don't mean relationships that a physically abusive by nature. But relationships that screw with their minds, robs them of dignity, and makes them feel like, i quote, "The pus that infects the mucus that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond's scum".

While some stay for security reasons, and others stay for a ridiculous dream of a better tomorrow, the reasons are always the same. No no, Not because they love the other or that the abusive half is conniving enough to make them stay. It is always the tragic melodrama they live,breathe and would willingly die for, because God forbid that they may have a normal boring life like everyone else. And it's not because they don't "See" the "abusive" nature of their relationship, they relinquish and thrive on it. People who stay in abusive relationships are not stupid, they are just bordering self destructive.

While many might say, what do i know? Isn't my relationship a bed of roses? Well wrong you are. While now i have a relationship that might be close to what I consider perfect, enough drama, enough cynicism and just enough romanticism, I've been through that. The feeling of needing the person although he may be physically and mentally abusive. The feeling of wanting to run away from it, but not being entirely sure I would be able to function without it. And it's the relationship, that status that people often cannot let go off, not the OTHER person. So see, it doesn't boil down to a love that cannot be thrown away. It is more of an accustomed lifestyle many find it hard to change. Who is going to banter them with emotional blackmails and cold wars once the relationship ends? Cold wars are better than no wars. Being alone, can be a feat after all.

So what sort of help can be offered to people who enjoy being in the sticky situation? Well, from what i have come to learn, none....

While most psychologists or counsellors will shake their heads furiously at me and some might even throw me a look of disgust, I believe that the clarity of the mind is not something that can be cultivated, imposed upon, or nudged. It takes a lot of growing up, the readiness to snap out of denial, and sometimes an episode of psychotic jealousy to make someone realise, they are worth more than the price tag they have stuck on their forehead.

It's a painful process for a friend, any friend to watch. Especially when you have a myriad of them. But as a friend, you just stick by and wait for the day. And reserve your comments. That's something I have learnt...Shut the hell up, and stick by...Cz their men sure aren't going to be around for long...