It wasn't because I detested shopping. Nor was it because I didn't like bright shiny new stuff and didn't have mannequins occasionally rationalizing with me on whether i should get a certain something. Not because either, of my dignified values of not being in debt. It was simply because, if the word knocked the nail on it's head in describing me, what more the book!? I simply couldn't bring myself to read it, because I was quite VERY sure, there are certain things I have been avoiding all these while. I felt quite offended that there was a book out there, making a mockery out of my life and my uncontrollable urges. And to top it up, it was a best seller!! I felt for a moment that my dirty linen was being washed in public.
And then the movie based on the book hit the screens. It was Shopaholic here, Shopaholic there, Shopaholic everywhere! A couple of my friends decided to book tickets for the show, and i came up with some feeble excuse to why i couldn't join them for the movie. If i wasn't ready to read the book, I certainly wasn't ready to see "me" in the movie...
Through the first 4 months of this year, where I was literally jobless and broke, I realised how much of a Shopaholic I am. It was no longer a phase, It was a phase that manifested into my system and because a viral disease attacking my nervous system everytime I tried to counter it, or to control it. It was going out of control, I felt like a nymphomaniac, except that my affair was with chic Egyptian cotton sheets, Long Champs, Silk tops, little black dresses and Uber vibrant colored Crocs.
How was I anything like Becky Bloomwood ( the character in Shopaholic?) Well, for starters,
1. Mannequins in stores spoke to me via the display windows, quite often.
2. I bought things and hoarded things without wearing them. I shop with my heart and not my brains.
3. If i were to let go of an item that i thought i must have, I would wound up being depressed, and then frantically think of different avenues or ways to get money to buy that item.
4. I always put survival one step behind my so-called retail therapy. I have a six door built in cupboard and i have no place to put my clothes or my shoes.
5. I would hide my new-buys and stuff them into my bags or booth of the car so that my loved ones don't catch me guilty of shopping.
6. I am constantly trying to plot my way into buying something I think I need by calculating how much I can pay by credit and installments in the following months. I have been in debt because I knew someone or another would bail me out of it.
7.And worst, I cannot stop my urges even when I am broke.
When I finally watched "Confessions of A Shopaholic" last week. I totally felt what she did. It wasn't an exaggerated depiction of a ridiculous NY fashion junkie. It was real as real can be. I wish I had a support group to go to. But I felt that every orgasmic wave of satisfaction such as Becky did every time i bought something i wanted, be it a hair clip, or a shirt, or a four figure price tagged dress. I saw myself in her shoes ( metaphorically and literally ) and I realized there was a need to overcome this.
This month, I am going by the motto to truly ask myself if i need something no matter how big or small it is. Whether it is food, or toiletries, or . So far, I have given in on 3 occasions already. I bought a new pair of Croc Janes, I bought stuff worht rm170 from an SPCA booth, convincing myself that it was for a good cause and i totally needed the uber-cute t shirts, bags and umbrellas, and I walked into the supermarket today intending to buy sage and corned beef for dinner tonight, but ended up buying Stacks of Lays, Aged Balsamic Vinegar and a tonne of other stuff that cost 600 percent more than what I intended to spend.
But nothing to fret about.. I have started, and I will persevere.. Just as Becky Bloomwood, Im at my starting point. At least I'm on my way to be debt free... Wish me luck!!
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