The life and woes of a social worker is never ending. You take it with a pinch of salt, and silently smile and pat yourself on the shoulder when some good comes out of your efforts, because sure as hell, no one is going to pat you on your back.
Since I took this path, I have never had enough time for myself. Laundry piled up, and even when I had time to do them, I had no time to fold them. My previous weekly routine of spring cleaning my room and changing my sheets turned into "whenever I have time" routines. Sunday's used to be Piggy's (my poodle) bathing slot, now I'm lucky if I manage to bathe her once in 10 days. My eyebrows look like a bush, my legs are hardly waxed ( thank God for the Chinese sparse hair genes), I don't even have time to go to the gym, because doing all that, means compromising sleep. 24 hours a day, is not enough.
When you take on certain aspects of social work, your work becomes your life, there is no segregating it. In my previous job, people used to call me in the middle of night for help, and there were times where I would have to make my way to the hospital or arrange for help to be available for them. There was no night or day. Whenever there was a day where cases were going slow and I wasn't scheduled for my training sessions, I would take time to catch up on sleep and rest, only to feel more guilty because some others are slogging in the office while I do so.
I learned to see guilt in a whole new light. When I deprived my loved ones of my time and love, because all my time was spent on work, I learned to dismiss the guilt on a stand that I was doing something to change someone's life. When I took an off day, or replacement leave which I deserved and was within my employment benefits, I took it as a skive off and guilt started building up inside me. My priorities have changed over the years. For better? I'm not too sure about that...
In my previous job, I accomplished many things and learned many new skills that equipped me better as a social worker. Where else, my personal life, family life, and social life went down the drain. I was told that I couldn't have it all, that sacrifices had to be made. In fact, when I went back to a corporate company for a brief period, my life seemed worthless because I wasn't fighting a battle for anyone's sake and i had accustomed myself to that kind of life for the past 3 years. What did that earn me? A very angry family, debts, and unpaid wages simply because social workers should not expect to be paid their dues even though they were promised it in the first place.
But if there was something new I learned, was that all these sacrifices I made didn't make me a better person. Just because my job helped improve someone's life, my life was in shambles. I realised that there is no shame in looking out for yourself and making sure you are not trampled in the process. Balance was the essence which many of those in my line, do not seem to be able to achieve, because when you work in an NGO, you do not carry out responsibilities for your job descriptions alone. Your job, would be a job of perhaps 3 personnel in the private sector.
After all the broken promises, unpaid wages, measly benefits which I was promised but never saw, and money which I put in to sustain my project and never got my claims back for, I realised that I had to stop seeing social work as charity, but a job which is like any other. It was necessary to claim what is rightfully mine, it was necessary to be calculative with work hours, it was necessary to look out for myself and not be guilty for doing so. After all, if I don't, who will?
So forgive me if I am calculative over my remunerations. If I refuse to put in extra hours when I can't help it and if I take off days to rejuvenate myself. Because one day, when my work is over and done with, I still need my family and loved ones. And regret is one thing I do not want to be engulfed in when I look back.
Charity begins at home after all.. always..
I learned to see guilt in a whole new light. When I deprived my loved ones of my time and love, because all my time was spent on work, I learned to dismiss the guilt on a stand that I was doing something to change someone's life. When I took an off day, or replacement leave which I deserved and was within my employment benefits, I took it as a skive off and guilt started building up inside me. My priorities have changed over the years. For better? I'm not too sure about that...
In my previous job, I accomplished many things and learned many new skills that equipped me better as a social worker. Where else, my personal life, family life, and social life went down the drain. I was told that I couldn't have it all, that sacrifices had to be made. In fact, when I went back to a corporate company for a brief period, my life seemed worthless because I wasn't fighting a battle for anyone's sake and i had accustomed myself to that kind of life for the past 3 years. What did that earn me? A very angry family, debts, and unpaid wages simply because social workers should not expect to be paid their dues even though they were promised it in the first place.
But if there was something new I learned, was that all these sacrifices I made didn't make me a better person. Just because my job helped improve someone's life, my life was in shambles. I realised that there is no shame in looking out for yourself and making sure you are not trampled in the process. Balance was the essence which many of those in my line, do not seem to be able to achieve, because when you work in an NGO, you do not carry out responsibilities for your job descriptions alone. Your job, would be a job of perhaps 3 personnel in the private sector.
After all the broken promises, unpaid wages, measly benefits which I was promised but never saw, and money which I put in to sustain my project and never got my claims back for, I realised that I had to stop seeing social work as charity, but a job which is like any other. It was necessary to claim what is rightfully mine, it was necessary to be calculative with work hours, it was necessary to look out for myself and not be guilty for doing so. After all, if I don't, who will?
So forgive me if I am calculative over my remunerations. If I refuse to put in extra hours when I can't help it and if I take off days to rejuvenate myself. Because one day, when my work is over and done with, I still need my family and loved ones. And regret is one thing I do not want to be engulfed in when I look back.
Charity begins at home after all.. always..
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