Rants

Yesterday, Kathy, Raam( old college mate and ex-tutor ) finally fulfilled our promise of having a drink after working hours. 

While "half-dead-fever sticken Kathy" refused to cave in to her ungodly-state of not being in the right state to consume alcoholic beverages, she and i still made our way to KL sentral for a afterwork drink. Raam appears, half an hour late with a very good reason of having to walk down 30 flights of stairs due to a broken down lift, and we chat over drinks and finger food about the past, present and future.... I know... sounds deep aye? but not so, we were just reminiscing days of when we used to watch after-work urbanites park their bums into bar and restaurants just for a "pick-me-up" before they head home and crash into bed and wonder when we'd be doing the same. Well, the time has come for us to join that crowd. 

I had a wonderful time over drinks. It was great to catch up with friends who DO matter, and share our woes, gossip, and advancements or fall-backs without any qualms. We could bitch till the cows came home.. and there was no one to judge, because we were all in the same position then, and in the same position now. 

I believe i've probably mentioned it once too many times, of my financial difficulties while i was studying in college. And it was great comfort to be able to TALK about it, with people who shared the same predicament then. Kathy, me and Raam never had the luxury of just studying in college. We constantly had to worry about money issues all the way up to where the next meal would be coming from. As i have graduated, grown and matured over the years, i believe that has been the major part in molding our characters and it was something to be proud of, regardless of the not so great academic transcripts ( sorry raam, you were brilliant, just me and kathy). 

Our entire conversation lead me into deeper thoughts. I resented my life in college and how hard it was to make ends meet. And now as a person who's part of the workforce, i still resent my earning capabilities. When does it ever end? The feeling of needing more than what I have. 

When kathy and me started out in college, everything was from scratch. We moved into an empty apartment. Everything we own in this damn unit was donated by someone or picked up from the dumpster downstairs. From the sofa to the TV to the damn shoe rack, cupboards, rice cooker, cuttleries, we did not spend a cent on it. Not because we do not like new shiny plastic wrapped stuff from the store. It is because till this very darn day, it is not easy to afford it. The only thing i had bought for this house is a fully automatic 6 kgs washing machine which i paid in 2 installments. That.. is our pride and joy. It took us 4 damn years to accumulate enough furniture and appliances to be able to call this place "Homely". In fact, we were only donated a sofa set last year from my cousin, and before that, we made do with cushions and other canvas chairs. 

On top of not being able to afford furniture personally, i have my monthly debts that i have to pay and that includes rent, water bills, electricity bills, insurance premium, phone bills, credit card bills, transportation to and back from work and a large chunk to a housing loan which takes up 2/3 of my salary. I don't even have internet connection in my home because that is a luxury. 

Some people ask me why is it that i cannot afford to buy a car, geee.... go figure.. If everyone had to start out the way Kathy and i did with a negative figure in their bank account, they would probably be buying their first second hand car at the age of 30. Society is not kind in terms of personal struggles. They dont want to know what your problems are, but just what u have achieved. People are expected to complete or achieve certain things deem fit for a successful person by a certain age regardless of what their personal struggles might be. If i don't have a car by the time i am 30, i must be terribly spendthrift or just a complete loser. ..per say

Many of my friends started out with help from their parents. Many of them had their first car with downpayment from their parents. Or some of them still lived with their parents, worked for their parents, had a fixed deposit courtesy of their parents to start out in this mean mean world. I am not proud to say that i have been independent because independence is a fucking pain in the arse! I wish i was sheltered at least at some point of my life. :)

I remember a job interview i had, where my interviewer asked me to justify my grades. Even though i had a valid "pity-me" story to explain why i did not obtain first class honors, i stopped, because, people are generally not interested in your shit life. They just want to hear the good part of it. 

But oh well, luck might turn around one day. Life is life, some have it easier, some literally live it in a soiled toilet bowl. Worrying or complaining about it doesnt change the way it is..But the next time you judge someone, maybe you would like to enquire if they do have a "Pity-me" story...

Im not sure this post even has a point to it. But this is me... just ranting..Well, a girl's gotta do what a girl likes to do sometimes rite? And for me.. that includes ranting... 

Cheerios!