Epiphany

Epiphany: Sudden Realization; a sudden intuitive leap of understanding, especially through an ordinary but striking occurrence

I get an epiphany almost every morning on my long journey to work. The first thing i look forward to is writing it out in my blog, before i lose the thought and flow of what my collective thoughts are... Bernard used to always tell me, i think too much. So did my mum, my best friends, my ex, my boss... i guess it's an only-child syndrome, "thinking too much"
But i like experiencing an epiphany. It calms me down and makes me feel as though one of the many debates and crossroads in my life has been resolved! That whether it is a feel good epiphany or depressing epiphany, I've come to terms with an issue, resolved my opinion on it, tucked it in a long winded essay anyone hardly reads, and move on to the next one. That to me... is a sign of my personal growth.

Today, my epiphany was that I'm a late-bloomer. It's a sad realization. My life is good, productive, rewarding. I have almost everything i wanted ( minus the Gucci tote that i saw at pavillion ). And everytime i'm proud of myself for achieving something, someone i know has already done it before. This brings out the worst in me. Sometimes i feel envy, other times pure jealousy. Although i have everything i've wanted, I'm achieving most things later than others in my life. Most of my friends have completed their masters, studied abroad, travelled to europe, owned their first car, a gym membership, most are preparing to migrate... Some are even happily married ( of course they're a few years older ).. I've yet to do any of those....and i'm 25.

Did i screw up along the way? you bet i did... But the price i'm paying is far more compared to many other screwed up people i know of. I have a steady job which i love, few close friends who are always around, a dog of my own, a man i love so much who equally loves me back, a set of parents who are still around for me to love, and bernard's parents who never fails to watch me carefully les i fall sick.

At the end of the year, I'd be a proud owner of a house i just bought, a car hopefully, I'd travel at least to hong kong, and hopefully receive a grant to join that Coping with Gender Based Violence training program i'm sending in my application for today in Belgium.

Alas, pessimism is not helping me look at the bigger picture here... Pray for me, i really hope i'd get the grant... then finally, i'd be able to experience what i've lost out on for so many years of my life...

Cheers