How to Stay Single and Fabulous!

Granted I am not single, and have not been for the past 5 years. But I am not one of those who have jumped from one relationship into another. There was a hiatus in between my past relationships because in some way or another, i always believed that you need to spend time loving yourself, and re-evaluating what you truly want from a relationship if you just got out of one. There is really no point in making the same mistakes over and over isn't it? It's plain and simple, foolish.

So what does a woman who has been in a stable relationship for half a decade know about being single and fabulous? Not much from the "single lady's" point of view.  But i DO KNOW what turns attached women and single men off, when a single woman struts the wrong style, and walks the wrong talk. Let's face it, most, if not all single women intend to be friendless or single forever. Not many are single because they are determined to stay celibate, or because they like it that way, companion-less. So single ladies out there, here are a few things you might want to watch out for, because nobody really likes sour grapes!

1. Who needs Men.
Single women tend to lean dangerously towards feminism. It's nothing wrong with wanting equal rights as men and women. But it's not wuire right, when you want to be superior compared to men. That makes you the exact same breed as chauvinistic men all over the world. It's pretty understandable because most of them experienced abysmal relationships/cheating partners and men of all sorts. However, let's not generalize. Men can be pigs, but not all are pigs. Why would you tell a men that when you are obviously trying to impress him??

2. I love the freedom of being single.
When single friends tell me that, and points out the commitments i have towards my boyfriend and his family, I often wonder, how selfish can they get? Yes, we attached ladies are committed to spending time with our partners because we love doing it, not because we have no choice ( most at least ). Spending time with a loved one doesn't mean you only do it if you are attached. What about family and friends. And yes, long before men came into our lives, we were already taught the importance of family ties. Yes we may not have the luxury of kissing random men in the club, or bringing home one night stands, but clearly, we are happy with the absence of that luxury. So by pointing out your new found independence, you are only dissing those who are attached and passing a silent judgement. 

3. I am focused on my career, thats why i'm single.
If you were ALWAYS focused on your career and enjoyed staying back after working hours even when u were in a relationship, Bravo! Then you are a star employee. But if the option of staying home and eating cup noodles in front of the TV vs staying back at office and browsing facebook is the reason why your career is your priority, then you are NOT single because you prefer deadlines compared to men. 

4. I am happy being single
We all want our single girlfriends to be happy, yes we attached women really do. But if you are still going all out to pick up a "orang putehs" and yet claiming you are happier more than you have ever been being single, then hello.. i think you are in denial. Just say "i am happy" and omit the "being single" part. No one likes a faker. 

5. Urgh stretch marks, luckily i'm single
I will tell your kids someday that you never wanted them because of the thought of loose skin hanging around your belly. If you have a problem with kids because you simply dun like bawling whiny creatures, then I'm with you. But if the sole reason you don't like kids is because no men has had the urge to impregnate you, then its best to reserve your comments.

6. I am independent and thriving and can afford designer items because I don't have to save up for some silly wedding.
I'm sorry you dated a jerk who used up all your money and made you pay for his lavish lifestyle. I truly emphatize your experience. But don't shove it in us attached-womens' faces. We simply have different priorities in life. 

7. I can pay for myself, what you don't think i can??
Look, if a guy wants you buy you a meal, why do you have to rub your money/success/education eulogy in his face. Drop your pretense and be a girl for a day. And if you still take "daddy or mommy's" occasional financial help, best to not mention it. 

8. Look at me, look at me!
We are happy for your success, and yes as women, we will be jealous too. So stop shoving your accomplishments in our faces and pointing out that we are not as wealthy or accomplished as you are, simply because we spend our spare time with our loved ones, instead of behind a 4 by 4 cubicle. When we spend our weekends with you, we want to talk about dresses, sugar spice and all things nice, not about your success and your success alone. Conversations work both ways

9. I don't need sex.
I'm sure you keep mrs palm and her five children to themselves at night or in the shower. And i'm sure you don't have some kinky toys stashed up in the bedside table's drawer. And I'm also sure you don't have condoms stashed somewhere in your room for just in cases. And I'm also very very very sure you never looked at a hot guy walk past and imagine licking choc off his abs or walking hand in hand with him and doing something dirty.. 

10. I don't need to dress to impress. I dress for myself now. 
That's a healthy thought isn't it? SO why do i have a problem with it? Because most women who do not have the urge to look presentable, are immortally depressed. I'm sorry but looking good is embeeded in yours and my chromosomes. So if you don't have the urge to wear a clean pair of jeans or smell good for the day, you are not happy, you are depressed. 

11. I have my gurls and thats all I need. 
If your "gurls" are also single and you spend your time together bantering men and other attached women, you have just started a "sour grapes cult". 

So there you have it, how to stay single and fabulous without being a complete pain! We, slaves of the regular life and conformers of the universe's mundanity, love being around you and understand the pain and tears you have been through. So take off that mask, because it's also an effort for us to be around you, if you are bitter.

(Disclaimer: I do and truly do, admire single women who have made a life out of themselves and are not bitter about not having someone special to share their successes with them. But if you do one or two of the above, then you are not quite there yet.. time to re-evaluate yourself?)

Of Goodbyes and Hellos

It's almost CNY and i realised how much i have neglected my blog, and not to mention my dearies! But I have a good reason for it, sad no doubt, but good.

It's sad because I can't do two/more things that I love at once. Not because I suck at multitasking, but only because there's 24 hours, and not more in a day. I miss blogging and complaining about the world, using the space for atomic explosions of the injustice I faced. Truthfully, in this 17 inch sphere, was where I could be strong and vulnerable without being judge, because it was my space.

The thing is, great writers are constantly depressed or perturbed ( not claiming that i'm one! ). Happy people generally don't write much. It's always easier to write when you feel depressed as depression has a way of creeping through the cracks of your door and writing is a healthy option compared to murder/assault of those who are making you life living hell. One of my favorite bloggers Ruth Fowler, has been writing again. While it is to great delight that I get to read what she has to share once again after a long absence, it's ironic that her life which is in shambles has been a source of inspiration to many others. While I can't help but feel sorry for her, I have also been hanging onto every word which she will potentially pen down. Today, I am finally happy for those of my friends who have abandoned their blogs for a while now. It simply means they are in a better place!

So why is it a good thing that i no longer have the luxury of time to write/whine/agonize/bitch? Well, for starters, I am no longer in that realm where i have to shut up and suffer injustice because it is not diplomatically correct to say what I want to say in the real world. In fact, i'm no longer in that world, where I have much to complain about. :D I must admit, this new job, has changed everything. From my new-found financial independence (getting there, getting there. hehehe), to the reignition of the passion to work and strive for others, to my dream of finally being able to bake and sell my very own macarons. Yes i have lesser time to read a book, gym, or write, but my time is spent in the most productive way I can imagine. Doing activities/work that I truly enjoy, and not spent covering other's asses for the mistakes that they have made.

So this is the part, abit late no doubt, but where I officially say goodbye to the suckiest year of my life and hope that it will only continue to shine the way it is now.

Goodbye to unpaid/underpaid wages..
Goodbye to unreasonable superiors
Goodbye to the "plastics"..
Goodbye to empty bank accounts..
Goodbye to unappreciated efforts..
Goodbye to the pus that the scum feeds on...
Goodbye to daily blog updates on "how to pretend to be happy/insightful when i really am F***ed." 

Hello 2011, I'm loving you already!

It's time to Weed out the Weeds

Year 2010, is coming to an end, and although it has gone past in a wink for many others, this year has been a long and "hellish" one for me. From dealing with being laid-off to unpaid wages to jobs that just did not fit me as a person, I've had one hell of a ride, and to be honest, thought that it would never end. I tried to sink myself into positive oblivion that things would get better and that there is such a thing as a silver lining, but yet not truly daring to believe that my life would take a positive turn. And then, at the end of last November, it finally did. I left my journey to no where, and finally started my destination bounded journey.

I wouldn't say that my life is picture perfect now. If it were, I would be carrying my Salvotore Ferragamo, wearing my Jaeger le-Coultre and driving my very own Volkswagon Bug (hehehehe). Materials aside, my life is still less than perfect because I seem to be the only one who is happy with the turn-around. There are still people who are nit-picking at areas of my life which is not, in their idea, as good as it should be.


Everyone has a different perception of what a perfect life is and should be. Therefore, i don't expect anyone to understand why and how I live my life, and i urge you to not implore your ideas on me either. I have a great job, a great man of my life, a great daughter-poodle, and a great small group of friends who matter. I also have a dysfunctional family whom I am at peace with and learnt to accept each and every one of them for their flaws and choices, without having to criticizing them to make my life more colorful. I don't generally compare people with others, so please refrain from comparing me to others of my age group. I find my life a better one, because I get to learn from their mistakes and not be a fool to repeat them. So if you cannot find the strength in you to give me credit for how efficiently I have lived my life avoiding mistakes I have seen people around me make, then thank you very much, but keep your criticisms to yourself! Unless it is constructive, you would most probably spoil my day and risk me detesting you.

Syiok Sendiri...

Have you ever wondered why smelly people do not know that they stink. Or fat people do not realise that tight revealing clothes that show off their barrels are not at all flattering. Or people who brag don't realise they are bragging, Or people who are supposedly expert in a field do not realise when they come along as obnoxious and a "insufferable know it all"?

Well, this post is by far the most politically incorrect post that I have decided to put up on my blog. Many will crucify me and take this as personal attacks. But I assure you, it is just my opinion, and perhaps an individual flaw of my incessant need to judge. But this is my space, and I have all the right in the world to complain as much as I want to. After all, that's what a personal blog is for isn't it?

I think everyone has a side of syiok sendiri that we are not aware of. I thought hard last night, and dug deep and found my side. So before i shoot my mouth condemning the things people do, i'll start with me. I have the most annoying habit of 'sharing what i know' which might come across as being an "insufferable know it all". While my intentions are not to heave my posterior up in the air and act smart, i realised i do come across as a person who is constantly trying to outdo others and prove my intelligence. I am also a stickler when it comes to what i perceive is 'right and wrong'. I am very resistant to challenges of my mindset, and will argue till the cows come home to prove my point. I am also one hell of a "laser mouth" and sometimes suffer from verbal diarrhea especially when my emotions soar. There is hardly a censorship board in my puny brain, and sometimes, i regret saying things that I have said aloud. Having said all that, I am sure that i just as much suffer from the "syiok sendiri" syndrome that I accuse people of having. But the thing is, I am not afraid to admit that i have flaws and acknowledge that I should change the way I communicate with others.

I wished people told me all the above about me to my face. I might be offended for a while (after all, no one likes to be criticized) but it would help me be a better person and be less syiok sendiri. But it's considered politically incorrect to tell someone they are obnoxious, fat, smelly, annoying, a self-proclaimed diva, or an arrogant bastard. At least not in a serious matter of fact way. The truth is, it's always politically incorrect to be honest and blunt. Because everyone likes to think that they are perfect the way they are.

If you know a person who is an object of table topic ( not in a nice way), there's a big possibility that they suffer from "syiok sendiri" symptoms, and since I am over-bearing and an "insufferable know it all", i would encourage you to rip the bandaid and tell the person what you think of him. After all, if you are a true friend, you would point out his/her obvious flaws that makes him less of a desirable company.

Pimping your daughter?

Which mother does not want to have gorgeous children? Especially a daughter who is pretty and all that. As much as asian parents are obssessed about having smart prodigy kids, given a choice, they would want it both ways for their daughters. Brawns and Brains that is...

I remember my teenage days when my wardrobe consisted of skater pants and billabong baggy t shirts. For a moment, my mother started worrying about my sexuality and the agst attitude i was carrying around. So she decided to spruce me up abit. I remember protesting over a pair of shorts she bought for me (to wear out). I remember pulling a long face when she made me try on baby-tees' and bought me proper skin care. I walked away from my mother who openly suggested at the lingerie department that I should get some cutesey colored bras. My father used to tell me, a little lip gloss wouldn't harm, and I looked at him as though he was mad! I was 13, and as far as I was concerned, I just wanted to be left alone and dress the way I deemed fit. My mother always hated my unrully hair and made me cut it really short. But suddenly one day, she told me maybe I should keep it long. I was perplexed. I used to have to fight an arm and leg to have my hair reach my shoulders. Les did I know my parents were preparing me for womenhood. It still sounds corny, but that was exactly what they were doing. They were pimping me! What baffled me more was, a few years down the road, when I was comfortable with skirts, tank tops and spagetti straps, which she had introduced me to, she started worrying about me showing too much skin and attracting unwanted attention.The rest of my teen years, revolved around arguments about my choice of clothes.

No, my parents aren't the only ones who pimped me up.  So did YOUR mom, and all the mothers out there who have daughters, and you, if you are a mom. If you look at the teenage clothes line which is out there in malls, it's pretty shocking that 13 year olds are deciding if they want to go along with the goth, biker-chic, glitzy glamour, or hit the clubs look. And what's more shocking is their mothers who purchase those tacky slutty clothes for their daughters. If that's not pimping up your daughter, I don't know what else is.

It is an unconscious decision to dress your kids up in a the latest trend, and to make sure they don't stand out like a sore thumb among their peers. But mothers, be careful, because the little girl you are dressing up today, might be the slut of the block tomorrow, and it will be your fault partially.

The point is that, mothers are not aware that the simple act of dressing up your daughter, introducing her to make up and teaching her ettiquets, is grooming her to become a sex symbol among her peers in the future. I'm not saying, please wrap her in a bale of cloth, but groom her accordingly, to not only help her find her sense of style and attitude, but also in a modest, moderate way. Your actions can be counter productive at the end of the day, so take caution in how you groom your daughters. Or a simpler thing to do is, to just have sons! =)