What my Momma gave me..

There is nothing worse than an abusive mother in this world.. Oh wait, maybe i take that back. There is nothing, definitely nothing worse than an over-indulgent mother in this world..

I grew up knowing my mom as the disciplinarian. She hardly ever cried in front of me, but i know that everytime she had to raise her hand on me, she always went into the room and silently wept. Obviously, she couldn't show me her emotions, lest i take advantage over her soft heartedness and continued misbehaving the way i did as a child. I was a fiesty one, still am perhaps. I've forgotten how many times i've used the word "hate" towards my mom. I couldn't understand why she had to be the rigid person she was with me. Why I had to sit still in church throughout the boring sermons, or why I shouldn't talk back, why it was important for me to say thank you or sorry, or roll my eyes when I was reprimanded. She expected perfection out of me. Not in terms of report card results or achievements in school, but more of in the character department. She would break my will until I said sorry for the things that i did wrong. And she never let me have my way by whining or crying. My mother was by no means indulgent towards my whim and fancies. She was loving yes, but at any point of time, when my tiny devil horns peeked out of my hair, she would go all military on me.

My mother taught me that a strong woman is a woman of character, not just by what people see on the outside. She taught me that by respecting others, I am therefore respecting myself. She was a disciplinarian oh yes, and i hated her on many occasions for that, but I have to say that my mother brought up one hell of a daughter and she can sit back now and be proud of it. If it wasn't for my mother, i wouldn't be the ounce of what I am today.

As my friends and family grow up and start their own family, I can't help but notice the things they are doing wrong in their relationship with their children. First borns are always special, so parents tend to over-indulge their children, and pretty much, give them a free reign. Church these days, are unlike how it used to be when I was a kid. You see special classes going on for hyperactive kids who can't sit still to save their lives, and parents standing outside the church to try distract their little ones from having a major intrusive tantrum meltdown. You see kids kicking and hitting their domestic workers who are trying to restrain them from running berserk, and parents fishing out toys and food to accommodate the restless ones. They have no respect for the sanctuary, and really, can you blame the kids? Well, I blame the parents 100%. It's what you call new age parenting style. Letting your child "discover their potential without tying them down to rules".

See, not many people have studied psychology. Many parents read dozens of books on parenting styles, but they don't understand the dynamics of using developmental psychology on their children. What these authors forget to mention, or conveniently don't tell you is that one parenting style doesn't fit it all. There's so many elements/variables that govern which style of parenting you should choose. The child's personality/ number of caregivers/ environment/ social status is all a variable. Bottom line, there's no ONE parenting style which works for all children. Some children are born more aggresive than others, and some are just more open to suggestions. It's innate and no matter how you want to believe that you can mold their personality, you can't. The only thing you can teach your child, is discipline.

Discipline, has gained a bad name and constantly associated with corporal punishment. But well, i don't have to list out the methods of inculcating discipline in someone's life, go figure, it's logic. What i am trying to say is, if you can't teach your child that there is a time and place for everything, and that some discipline is needed even if they don't like it, then you have failed big time as a parent. You can't tune down the brattiness or the hyperactivity of a child, but you can, and should teach your child how to control their personality, in order to mold a character, if like all parents, you want your child to be a functional adult.

The world is such where not only poor, uneducated, marginalized children end up as rapists, murderers, thieves or cheaters. In fact, it is safe to say that more educated kids from good and well to do parentage are into these serious crimes, compared to children who are raised in a background where they have limited resources.

This might seem like a weird way to tell my mom what an awesome mother she has been. But this is exactly how i would do it again, in the blink of an eye. The biggest gift my mom gave me, was discipline. Without discipline, you'd get no where in life. Love, marriage, work, relationships, all require a certain amount of discipline to make them work. Albeit i am not a mother yet, I assure you that over-indulgence is not something my kid will have the luxury of. I've seen too many brats in the making, to even go there.

So happy mother's day Mami! You have brought me up well and I love you to bits and pieces. I am everything I am today, because of all that you have sacrificed for me. All the heartache and perseverence you put into making me a better person, has paid off.... You can now proudly say, you have a strong, independent, and sensible daughter!