What's good for the soul?

As common and mouldy as the saying is, a leopard really can't change its spots. Same goes with people, practices and strategies in human communication can change if we make an effort. But what's inside us, character, instinct and personality is something you can mask, but never really change.

This doesn't mean that all's bad and doomed because we don't really change. For example, if a person is prone to be soft hearted, it's kind of a good thing.. It simply means compassion lives deep within her, and as much as she tries to mask it, when it does surface, it only makes this world a better place.

I have been trying to change all year. My ideals, my dreams and even my personality. B* used to call me a "doormat" as a joke. But in some ways, i knew he was right. Problem is, it wasn't something i could fix since being a doormat was a result of my personality. It was something deep down inside that i would like to think of as the need to be compassionate and emphatise, rather than being in possession of a frail leadership trait. 

But what I failed to realise till the very last few days, that there was one thing I could change, that would definitely make my life a happier one at least. I could learn to ignore. I could learn to distance myself from people who were bad to my personal self growth. I could choose to be more selective over calling people my friends. I could live in my own bubble and still be happy. Whoever said it's a dog eat dog world out there, clearly has a dominating personality, and not to mention a selfish trait, a need to justify the oppression of other people to feel good about himself. It is does not matter if he is right or wrong, but in his defense, he feeds of the fear he instills in others for selfish feel good reasons. 

So here's what I think. This is not a Dog eat Dog world that we make it out to be. Because we think it is, we behave in a certain way as a defense mechanism to protect ourselves which inevitably, has certainly made it more of such. We can co-exist and give in to the possibility that someone out there, who is better than us. We don't always have to be the best, or always right. We can choose to be just great. Our way of accomplishing things, are not the only solution to get things done right or more effectively. We can choose to be selfish and own up that we have taken that choice, rather than find ways to justify our choices. We  can choose at the end of the day, to recognize other people's efforts first, before judging their shortcomings. 

The point behind this whole rambling is, that we don't acknowledge that personalities do not change, but our actions can. I think I am a nice person. Perhaps way too nice sometimes to the point of being a pushover, but I kind of like myself the way I am. At least i'm at peace with it. All I can do, is avoid people who are pushovers, and perhaps admit openly that I know I am at risk of being run over by over ambitious, narcissistic people  and life will be fine and dandy. I don't think I need to change after all. I think I just need to find people who accepts me the way I am, and is open to look beyond my faults, and recognize my efforts.

It's not about you... It's about me.. And it's time I take ownership over celebrating the "me" that I am.