UNedited Version of ME

This is the part i wrote for the book Revolving Doors in a column called Reflections. It portrays the reflections of the interviewers while documenting the stories which will be used as the backbone of the book...

Sadly, due to budget, we can't afford to print out such a lengthy portion of my work...
And due to editing, probably 1 percent of what i wrote was retained in it's actual form

So to all you guys who actually bother to read my "oh not so great" works, hehehe... i felt compelled to post my work which i put in my very own blood and sweat...

I admit that i'm a far cry away from a good writer, and neither are any of my works captivating. write in random sequence, because it all just flows from my mind...

Editing can be so painful sometimes, sigh....But here is me... and what i have to say...

Cheers...

Conducting an interview is any context is a process of getting to know a person in depth. Be it regarding their credentials, their character, their strength, their passion, or in this case; the events which brought about their will to survive more than ever. The journey of this book started with documenting real life experiences of Burmese refugees in Malaysia trying to survive on a day to day basis. As interviewers, the road has not been a three lane highway. The bumps and curves we encountered is nothing compared to the grievances these refugees experienced, but it has definitely been a changing point in our lives. The experience of interviewing the refugees made us count our blessings even more than before, but most importantly, opened our eyes to the fact that we simply cannot sit back and watch anymore, but take action to stop their misery. Not especially when we can, if we want to.
Before we started the interviews, we had a sequence guideline questions that were to be asked, where to probe, and how to get sufficient information that would perfectly depict the experience they went through. The first interview that each of us conducted broke the mold. From what we expected it to be 2-3 hours allocated for each interview, some stretched to what was 7 hours. A colleague of mine told me before my first interview, “ if you cannot picture yourself in their shoes, it means that you haven’t asked enough,” That was the most useful advise that I have received prior to attempting my first interview session, which was consequently detrimental to my emotional state. Why you may ask, since it is not me who experienced the pain, suffering, injustice, and inhumane conditions which was not a choice. It was simply because when the stories unfolded beyond mere facts, there was a part of disbelief that anyone would deserve to be treated in such an inhumane way.
The hardest part of the interview was the various areas where the refugees interviewed were asked to describe the way they felt, and the thoughts that were going through their minds when experiencing arrest-detention-deportation. While some described numbness, others broke down and cried, while reliving the experience.
My first interview was with a 59 year old woman. Her detention experience was worsen by political implications her husband had been involved with. She suffered physical violence and emotional violence. What she endured was something I couldn’t imagine myself at a young age being able to endure, what more at her age. As I looked at her, I thought of my very own mother who was about the same age as she is, and how my heart would bleed if my mother went through half of what she did, while I sat aside helplessly, unable to help her. Yet she gave me strength listening to what she had to say. She was still scared of her future, she was still scarred by her experience. But underneath it all, she emitted what was pure courage that by sharing her stories, she wanted to help prevent other refugees from going through what she did. The way she delivered her story with such conviction made me convinced that not one part of what she said was fabricated. Yet she had such strength, to not break down and cry. She had hope, she still had laughter left. It made me feel small at that point of time. It made me think of all the lamentations we indulged ourselves in on daily basis. We cry over unequal rights, we cry over underpaid salaries, we cry over family problems and the raised cost of living. We cry over trivial matters that do not determine life and death. But for a woman who had death staring her in the face throughout most of her life, she had one thing we lacked of. She had hope and courage.
The journey of documenting stories made us feel a flood of emotions. Overnight, we felt like what it feels like to be a mother in distress, an elderly with little hopes of whatever future they had left, a child robbed of his childhood, a father who’s lost his children, a sibling who’s looking for a lost loved one. Besides the negative feelings that we experienced, we also saw strength, courage, and persistence to fight for a better future.
One of the interviewees told me in the middle of an interview that I would never be able to understand how she felt at that time. And I agreed to that simply because it was the truth. Never in my wildest imagination can I truly empathize what she felt at the point of arrest-detention-deportation. A normal mother cum mother to be experiences a mountain of emotions due to hormonal changes as well as new responsibilities due to motherhood. On top of that, she had to cope with the stress of being in a situation where she couldn’t understand what was to happen to her and her children as well as unborn child. Their fates were dangling by a thin yarn and as a mother, she was responsible for that. What stress she must have felt, which I will never fully understand.
Emotions are one thing. Physical pain was another. For those who have been whipped, kicked, slapped, abused sexually and abused by horrible living conditions, the anxiety they felt not knowing if the abuse will ever stop is unthinkable. The one thought that went through my mind was, it could have been me, it could have been my family. After all, once upon a time, we were all immigrants to this country as well. How is then and now different. On top of that, our forefathers were economic migrants to Malaysia. The Burmese refugees on the other hand are here for our protection, and yet without conscience, we push them further down when they are already vulnerable.
As social workers, we naturally have more compassion towards the people that we work with. That is what that makes us passionate about our work despite all the difficulties that come our way. It may also cloud our perception when it comes to judging whether the treatment the refugees are receiving is just or not. We sent out the stories which we documented to random Malaysians who work in different industries to gauge what they feel about the situation. This is their response to it

“ I never knew there were a group of people called refugees in our country. As far as I’m concerned, migrants here are either legal or illegal and they all come for economic purposes. But as a read the stories, I wonder how many more out there face this preposterous fate. They are supposed to be protected. And what have we done to ensure so? Why isn’t this in the news? They DO NOT deserve this kind of treatment.”
Sheila, Business student , 19years old

“ I come from a church where we have masses for the Burmese refugees. I see them almost every week but I never considered them as refugees. I always questioned my church’s decision of harboring these “illegal immigrants”. All these while I thought they were here for better life and to earn a better income for their family back home. After reading the story that was sent to me, I was shocked. I was in tears. I call myself a Christian but I never even bothered to wish them Happy Sabbath because I thought they were just illegal immigrants. My eyes have opened now because I finally understand why they are here. When you see them at church, laughing, and being content, you would never imagine that they are facing persecution and that their lives are in danger every single day. It is shocking that even with a UNHCR card, they have no protection. How could the deeds of our government all be hidden from us all these while. There definitely is a need to address this issue and make sure that the fates of these Burmese refugees are changed for the better.”
Jesse, 43 years old, Music School teacher.

“ I understand that opening the doors to immigrants can cause a lot of problems in our country. After all, most of them are uneducated. I just cannot accept the part where they are tortured by our own country’s officials because they are here to seek protection. There must be a better, more humane way to deal with the situation. If Thailand can do it, why can’t we? What if one day Malaysians are so used to denying human rights that they start persecuting ethinics in Malaysia. What type of example are we setting for our future generation?”
Max, 24, Advertising

“We pride ourselves as a country of values, racial harmony and tolerance. We appear to be a happy country with no harmful riots and compassionate towards natural disasters and wars around the world. However, this story has truly shocked me. I wonder what our government have been doing all these while, masking these stories and pretending we are an advocate of compassion and humanity. How could this portray harmony in any way? We are a democratic society and yet we are kept in the dark by these events that happen right under our noses. This has to be stopped. NO ONE deserves to be treated in this way, to be sold as slaves, to be tortured even if they were criminals.”
James, Executive, 31years

“ When I read through the story, I first thought that it could have been exaggerated in order to gain people’s pity. Then I did more research on the Burmese and their political situation. I am convinced that this is true and is actually going on in our country. The Malaysian Tidak apa attitude is what that’s causing it. Everyone is too afraid to come out and insist on a change in the government’s procedures as they feel they should mind their own business. Where is our growth as a nation. Sure we have the tallest buildings and we’re trying to advance ourselves, but has compassion been lost in the process? How could these people be treated in such an inhumane way. Where is our conscience”
Kirk, businessmas, 52

"After reading your interview with Nwe, I was numb with shock and anger. I have been praying for the Burmese ever since you shared their plight with me when you visited Penang last. But the atrocities that they have to bear with are unthinkable. How you are able to function day after day when met with such injustice and cruelty is beyond my imagination. I can barely walk now even thinking about it. My first reaction was to get depressed over the entire situation and weep with anger over the injustice. I did that for a while, but then I started to pray to God to beg for the many lives that are still being threatened today. I truly hope your book “Revolving Doors” gets published quickly, and for more people in power to come aware of these atrocities. All I can pray and hope for is for better governance and for healing in our land. The Burmese and Tenaganita will be in my prayers even more fervently from now on. "
Andy, 28, Engineer.

The excerpts of responses to the arrest-detention-deportation were extremely touching to us. It has given us hope that there is compassion left in our society. It shows us that if there simply isn’t enough transparency from the state.
As we journeyed through the documentation process, we have witness full grown man crying and pining for their loved ones who were taken away, despaired by the fact that they cannot do anything to stop the violence against their wives and children, feeling helpless and guilty of not being able to protect their family. We also came across men who are too embarrassed to tell us full details of how they were treated during arrest and detention as they had their dignity and pride stripped off. Men who are broken by the experience and feel as though they would lose their sanity should they have to go through the experience ever again. If men who have a stronger emotional state can feel this, what more women and children who are thrown into the arms of our so called “justice”.
It is never an excuse to use violence against a situation that “might” threaten our national security. Not in a democratic country. We urge the readers of the book to take action to correct our current justice system. To contribute towards humanity and take action by simply being aware of the situation.