The 'i' generation

My early memories consisted of books. From ladybirds, sesame street encyclopedias and 'peter and jane' books, i graduated to enid blytons and sweet valley highs. I read alot. Most of my books were donated so i never had the luxury to pick and choose my book titles. But i always made do with whatever i had. I learnt that there is no such thing as a lousy book. Every book had an edge, a story to tell, and subliminal messages that you could interpret. Books led me into a world of fantasy n realms of imagination. If there was one thing my parents taught me about, is to love, respect and treasure those neverending words. As i grew older, bookstores were my solace. No matter how i felt for the day or week, bookstores never failed me because there was always a unread tale which was there to take me away to another world. As i walked through the mall and watched the younger generation with cell phones, psps' and ipads in their hands, precariously pressing the buttons and swiping the screens so vigorously as if their life depended on the scores of the games they were engrossed in, i wondered if i will emerge victorious against the battle of books vs technology. How would i inculcate the love for books in my kids in the future? It seems like a losing battle. Alphabets on pages vs cute, realistic graphics. The fight is going to be tough.

What my Momma gave me..

There is nothing worse than an abusive mother in this world.. Oh wait, maybe i take that back. There is nothing, definitely nothing worse than an over-indulgent mother in this world..

I grew up knowing my mom as the disciplinarian. She hardly ever cried in front of me, but i know that everytime she had to raise her hand on me, she always went into the room and silently wept. Obviously, she couldn't show me her emotions, lest i take advantage over her soft heartedness and continued misbehaving the way i did as a child. I was a fiesty one, still am perhaps. I've forgotten how many times i've used the word "hate" towards my mom. I couldn't understand why she had to be the rigid person she was with me. Why I had to sit still in church throughout the boring sermons, or why I shouldn't talk back, why it was important for me to say thank you or sorry, or roll my eyes when I was reprimanded. She expected perfection out of me. Not in terms of report card results or achievements in school, but more of in the character department. She would break my will until I said sorry for the things that i did wrong. And she never let me have my way by whining or crying. My mother was by no means indulgent towards my whim and fancies. She was loving yes, but at any point of time, when my tiny devil horns peeked out of my hair, she would go all military on me.

My mother taught me that a strong woman is a woman of character, not just by what people see on the outside. She taught me that by respecting others, I am therefore respecting myself. She was a disciplinarian oh yes, and i hated her on many occasions for that, but I have to say that my mother brought up one hell of a daughter and she can sit back now and be proud of it. If it wasn't for my mother, i wouldn't be the ounce of what I am today.

As my friends and family grow up and start their own family, I can't help but notice the things they are doing wrong in their relationship with their children. First borns are always special, so parents tend to over-indulge their children, and pretty much, give them a free reign. Church these days, are unlike how it used to be when I was a kid. You see special classes going on for hyperactive kids who can't sit still to save their lives, and parents standing outside the church to try distract their little ones from having a major intrusive tantrum meltdown. You see kids kicking and hitting their domestic workers who are trying to restrain them from running berserk, and parents fishing out toys and food to accommodate the restless ones. They have no respect for the sanctuary, and really, can you blame the kids? Well, I blame the parents 100%. It's what you call new age parenting style. Letting your child "discover their potential without tying them down to rules".

See, not many people have studied psychology. Many parents read dozens of books on parenting styles, but they don't understand the dynamics of using developmental psychology on their children. What these authors forget to mention, or conveniently don't tell you is that one parenting style doesn't fit it all. There's so many elements/variables that govern which style of parenting you should choose. The child's personality/ number of caregivers/ environment/ social status is all a variable. Bottom line, there's no ONE parenting style which works for all children. Some children are born more aggresive than others, and some are just more open to suggestions. It's innate and no matter how you want to believe that you can mold their personality, you can't. The only thing you can teach your child, is discipline.

Discipline, has gained a bad name and constantly associated with corporal punishment. But well, i don't have to list out the methods of inculcating discipline in someone's life, go figure, it's logic. What i am trying to say is, if you can't teach your child that there is a time and place for everything, and that some discipline is needed even if they don't like it, then you have failed big time as a parent. You can't tune down the brattiness or the hyperactivity of a child, but you can, and should teach your child how to control their personality, in order to mold a character, if like all parents, you want your child to be a functional adult.

The world is such where not only poor, uneducated, marginalized children end up as rapists, murderers, thieves or cheaters. In fact, it is safe to say that more educated kids from good and well to do parentage are into these serious crimes, compared to children who are raised in a background where they have limited resources.

This might seem like a weird way to tell my mom what an awesome mother she has been. But this is exactly how i would do it again, in the blink of an eye. The biggest gift my mom gave me, was discipline. Without discipline, you'd get no where in life. Love, marriage, work, relationships, all require a certain amount of discipline to make them work. Albeit i am not a mother yet, I assure you that over-indulgence is not something my kid will have the luxury of. I've seen too many brats in the making, to even go there.

So happy mother's day Mami! You have brought me up well and I love you to bits and pieces. I am everything I am today, because of all that you have sacrificed for me. All the heartache and perseverence you put into making me a better person, has paid off.... You can now proudly say, you have a strong, independent, and sensible daughter!

Of Love and Liberty

On the last episode of Glee last week, besides singing along to all those catchy tunes, the main highlight of the show was the long awaited question of whether Blaine would eventually fall in love with Kurt. In case you're living simply out of this planet, Blaine and Kurt are two "out of the closet" high school guys who have been acquainted, became best of friends and eventually fell in love.

So yes, to spoil the fun for many of you ethical fellas who omit the urge to download free episodes from BitTorrent and wait patiently for the episodes to air on tv,  there was magic, there was sparkle, there was a "moment", there was romance and there was "the kiss". So what's wrong with the picture here? There were many reviews on this episode. Some called it " explicitly suggestive" and some called it "ethically immoral and should be given a PG18 rating". We openly embrace the magic of romance between man and women. Even the grungiest movies to do with war, fighting, horror has at least some elements of romance or sex, laced with promiscuousity or lust and we go "awww" at those moments depicted by butt naked men and women But somehow we live in a society that cannot seem to accept that love and liberty goes hand in hand. So what's wrong with a little boy on boy innocent romance that makes your heart silently weep and wish that you had that moment, or remisnisce young pure love and acceptance? Why does everything have to be determined by labels.

This brings me back to a conversation i had with a colleague where she criticised the cable TV for airing such a program that could "encourage the young ones" to turn gay. I personally found it offensive that she made the word "gay" sound like a disease. I am not pro-homo or pro-hetro. I am pro-choice. Being "gay" is not a new fad of this millenium. Coming out of the closet perhaps is, but people have always been either gay or straight. I choose to believe that it's not something that is entirely cultivated by the media. It is how you are born. It's the same as being a vege lover or a vege hater. Some friends i know have grown up on a vegetarian diet all their lives, but still LOVE beef the moment they tasted it. Some people associate the word gay with all that is promiscuous and damaged. But come on people, just because a person has feelings towards someone of the same sex means that they have been exposed to all that is dirty and explicit.

Personally, i think Glee is awesome. It has depicted "most accurately" high school pains in every aspect mortally possible. It isn't about sex, fame and living "THE" life. It's about choices and looking beyond all things plastic and self discovery. But enough about my personal opinions or preference. So here the part where i start being "rude, opiniated, and completely inappropriate"..

To all you hypocrites out there who think you're "safe" simply because you are not homosexual, I am not the few who are tolerant towards homosexuality simply because i have many gay friends. I just think that you are all hypocrites for judging the gay community. Why? because if you have not had explicit fantasies about the opposite sex, had random sex, or had more than one sexual partner, watches explicit scenes from movies and coo at it, you sure as hell don't have the right to judge. What makes your lives so different from those who are gay? Let's see, for one, they are honest and courageous enough to put themselves out there to be judge, simply for the fact of staying true to themselves. You? You hide your dirty laundry in your cupboard and yap your mouth away about other people's relationship or sex lives, but have no balls to talk about your dirty habits in the open. You talk about God, and say how this is a sin? If you have received oral sex or given oral sex, or had or are intending to have sex altogether for recreation purposes, then technically, you are just as much as a sinner. If you are going to take your holy book literally, then sex is for procreation, not recreation. Then also, let's not forget that you would have sinned also in the same magnitude for gossiping, bearing false witness against another person, wasting food, having pre-marital sex, having indecent thoughts of another individual, or pleasuring yourself or even refusing to help another who is in need.

So there you have it.. Why pile on more "sins" unto your pile.. it's the 21st century, it's time you live in it..

Of whips and cracks

"There's something strange about growing up, you simply see and accept things  the way they clearly are.." Anonymous


I've been called many things. Hater, pessimist, critical, judgmental.. the list goes on.. simply for stating that some obvious traits yields obvious results. While i do admit that in the "world's" terms, I am all of those words above, i also know that i see things the way the are, and am this way because i believe it is silly, to expect unrealistic outcomes from the same way of doing things. It's like the lottery. You keep buying and buying it, and hoping to strike rich, even though it's unrealistic and clearly, a one out of million chance. It's the same thing with relationships.. If you keep dating the same breed, chances are, the progression of the relationship will be exactly the way the previous one was.. It's science.. The results don't change if the constant remains the same..

I've probably never said it out aloud before, but I am thankful that I was once a victim of domestic violence. I come from an extremely loving family, but somehow plunged into a scary relationship where it involved the other party pulling me by the hair up the stairs, punishing me through all forms of violence, and brainwashing me that love equals to possessiveness. Perhaps, it is this reason why, i never could understand all the other women who (in my opinion) self destruct themselves by dating worthless/abusive men over and over and OVER again. But that's the thing, everyone has had bad/disasterous relationships once or twice before. But you need to be in a relationship where you are fighting to survive literally to reach that realization, that self worth can only be earned if you take the time to value yourself.

That's the ironic beauty about being a victim of violence, you see things clear, simple and as it is once you're out of it. You learn and stand firm that "once is enough". You learn that denial, is worse than indulging in cocaine. You do not turn into a feminist or man-hater, but can clearly recognize abuse even if it didn't come in a physical form. So yes, I might sound like a "hater" to you, but I truly believe that I am not. I am just anti-denial.

Today, I work with countless of women who are in abusive relationships. From a simple conversation, I have that knack to deduce if they are going to be lifelong victims. It's a sad and emotional thing for me, because if i had it my way, I would love to shove their heads into a bucket of ice and force them to see the damage they are doing to their lives and their loved ones. But from experience, I also know that if it is not their choice to get out of it, no amount of therapy, counseling, or forcing will do the trick. By experience, I also know that women who continually hop into 2 or more abusive relationships, will most probably end up being in the same kind of relationship, for the rest of their lives. They will fall back on the bandwagon again and again, and pass the trait on to the next generation and among their peers. The only thing i can do, is to share my experience with them, and hope that they have the courage and strength i fought so hard to discover.

People always say that there is tomorrow. In this case, if you don't get out of an abusive relationship now, you will probably never get out of it ever, even if you have 10 partners down the road..

Guarding Heirloom recipes

Picture taken from: Nyonyafood.rasamalaysia.com 

Just try. GO ahead and ask any old aunties or grannies that you know of, who are good at making a particular dish to impart their secrets to you. They WILL say yes and smile their sweetest smile. And it's either they won't tell you when they are intending to teach you, or prepare the ingredients partially before you arrive so that you can't gauge that secret ingredient that makes the dish wa-wa-woom! So who do you learn from? Your mom because she's the one who's most likely to share her deepest secrets of your family's heirloom recipes with you, well some moms can be weird too..

SO what is my favorite Nyonya dish? There's TONNES to choose from but there's one thing i hold very very dear to my heart. Those sun shinny pudding-like orange parcels with a robust whiff of spices and herbs that punch you in the nose the moment you open a real banana leaf parcel of otak otak!!!! And NO, if you think you know what i'm talking bout, you probably don't. Because being a food voyager myself, I have yet to come across otak otaks outside which taste anything close to the ones made in the nyonya kitchens.

Today, after 3 days of talking my mom into making otak otak for me, I woke up with a shock ( at 11am) thinking that Oh no, my mom's forgotten our "otak-otak classes". But lo and behold, she had sneakily started off without me. I ran and confronted her "Ahak" and stood there learning every thing that she did. The ingredients are not all that complex, but i have learnt that the little touches of preparation can make a vast difference in the taste of the dish. For instance,

1.Fresh Fresh Fresh
I was hyperventilating scourging the fridge. "Mommy!!! you didn't buy the herbs??" She just waved her hand in annoyance towards me like waving off a fly. Without a word, she took her scissors and walks into the garden. The bush of weeds i which was a sore eye to me all these while, were luscious aromatic herbs grown in my very own garden! She then progressed to the back of the house and starting cutting off some "Daun Kaduk". We had a HUGE patch of these rare herb in our garden too. So Mommy says, freshness cannot be compromised. You pluck a herb, and package it and wait to sell it, by the time you buy it, it is no longer as aromatic as it should have been.


2. Do it yourself.
Herbs, check! Fish, Check! Banana leaf, I watch dad walking over to my neighbour's house and cutting a big leaf, so errr, check! Then i realised, where the hell is the grated coconut in the fridge. SO i proceed to tell mom she forgot to buy coconut, and she says, "Ahh, dun worry lah, we got plenty behind". Apparently, my parents grate their own coconut. Some old people swear that coconuts  taste and yield better amount of milk when you grate it with a semi sharp grater, rather than machine grate it.

3. Can we start filling the parcels now?
Not yet, we have to soak the fish. WHAT?? Yes, at least 2 hours of soaking the fish and rempah together to ensure it comes together as "ONE" dish.

4. I caught mom burning banana leaves over the stove.
Apparently, if you heat the leaves up on the burning flame top of your stove, it will soften the leaves and prevent breakages. And the whole time, dad is annoying me with him "ubiquitous" knowledge on the history of how Nyonya food came about. *rolls eyes*

SO now to wait, while i go out to town, get myself a cuppa and come home in time to wrap em parcels!

How to Stay Single and Fabulous!

Granted I am not single, and have not been for the past 5 years. But I am not one of those who have jumped from one relationship into another. There was a hiatus in between my past relationships because in some way or another, i always believed that you need to spend time loving yourself, and re-evaluating what you truly want from a relationship if you just got out of one. There is really no point in making the same mistakes over and over isn't it? It's plain and simple, foolish.

So what does a woman who has been in a stable relationship for half a decade know about being single and fabulous? Not much from the "single lady's" point of view.  But i DO KNOW what turns attached women and single men off, when a single woman struts the wrong style, and walks the wrong talk. Let's face it, most, if not all single women intend to be friendless or single forever. Not many are single because they are determined to stay celibate, or because they like it that way, companion-less. So single ladies out there, here are a few things you might want to watch out for, because nobody really likes sour grapes!

1. Who needs Men.
Single women tend to lean dangerously towards feminism. It's nothing wrong with wanting equal rights as men and women. But it's not wuire right, when you want to be superior compared to men. That makes you the exact same breed as chauvinistic men all over the world. It's pretty understandable because most of them experienced abysmal relationships/cheating partners and men of all sorts. However, let's not generalize. Men can be pigs, but not all are pigs. Why would you tell a men that when you are obviously trying to impress him??

2. I love the freedom of being single.
When single friends tell me that, and points out the commitments i have towards my boyfriend and his family, I often wonder, how selfish can they get? Yes, we attached ladies are committed to spending time with our partners because we love doing it, not because we have no choice ( most at least ). Spending time with a loved one doesn't mean you only do it if you are attached. What about family and friends. And yes, long before men came into our lives, we were already taught the importance of family ties. Yes we may not have the luxury of kissing random men in the club, or bringing home one night stands, but clearly, we are happy with the absence of that luxury. So by pointing out your new found independence, you are only dissing those who are attached and passing a silent judgement. 

3. I am focused on my career, thats why i'm single.
If you were ALWAYS focused on your career and enjoyed staying back after working hours even when u were in a relationship, Bravo! Then you are a star employee. But if the option of staying home and eating cup noodles in front of the TV vs staying back at office and browsing facebook is the reason why your career is your priority, then you are NOT single because you prefer deadlines compared to men. 

4. I am happy being single
We all want our single girlfriends to be happy, yes we attached women really do. But if you are still going all out to pick up a "orang putehs" and yet claiming you are happier more than you have ever been being single, then hello.. i think you are in denial. Just say "i am happy" and omit the "being single" part. No one likes a faker. 

5. Urgh stretch marks, luckily i'm single
I will tell your kids someday that you never wanted them because of the thought of loose skin hanging around your belly. If you have a problem with kids because you simply dun like bawling whiny creatures, then I'm with you. But if the sole reason you don't like kids is because no men has had the urge to impregnate you, then its best to reserve your comments.

6. I am independent and thriving and can afford designer items because I don't have to save up for some silly wedding.
I'm sorry you dated a jerk who used up all your money and made you pay for his lavish lifestyle. I truly emphatize your experience. But don't shove it in us attached-womens' faces. We simply have different priorities in life. 

7. I can pay for myself, what you don't think i can??
Look, if a guy wants you buy you a meal, why do you have to rub your money/success/education eulogy in his face. Drop your pretense and be a girl for a day. And if you still take "daddy or mommy's" occasional financial help, best to not mention it. 

8. Look at me, look at me!
We are happy for your success, and yes as women, we will be jealous too. So stop shoving your accomplishments in our faces and pointing out that we are not as wealthy or accomplished as you are, simply because we spend our spare time with our loved ones, instead of behind a 4 by 4 cubicle. When we spend our weekends with you, we want to talk about dresses, sugar spice and all things nice, not about your success and your success alone. Conversations work both ways

9. I don't need sex.
I'm sure you keep mrs palm and her five children to themselves at night or in the shower. And i'm sure you don't have some kinky toys stashed up in the bedside table's drawer. And I'm also sure you don't have condoms stashed somewhere in your room for just in cases. And I'm also very very very sure you never looked at a hot guy walk past and imagine licking choc off his abs or walking hand in hand with him and doing something dirty.. 

10. I don't need to dress to impress. I dress for myself now. 
That's a healthy thought isn't it? SO why do i have a problem with it? Because most women who do not have the urge to look presentable, are immortally depressed. I'm sorry but looking good is embeeded in yours and my chromosomes. So if you don't have the urge to wear a clean pair of jeans or smell good for the day, you are not happy, you are depressed. 

11. I have my gurls and thats all I need. 
If your "gurls" are also single and you spend your time together bantering men and other attached women, you have just started a "sour grapes cult". 

So there you have it, how to stay single and fabulous without being a complete pain! We, slaves of the regular life and conformers of the universe's mundanity, love being around you and understand the pain and tears you have been through. So take off that mask, because it's also an effort for us to be around you, if you are bitter.

(Disclaimer: I do and truly do, admire single women who have made a life out of themselves and are not bitter about not having someone special to share their successes with them. But if you do one or two of the above, then you are not quite there yet.. time to re-evaluate yourself?)

Of Goodbyes and Hellos

It's almost CNY and i realised how much i have neglected my blog, and not to mention my dearies! But I have a good reason for it, sad no doubt, but good.

It's sad because I can't do two/more things that I love at once. Not because I suck at multitasking, but only because there's 24 hours, and not more in a day. I miss blogging and complaining about the world, using the space for atomic explosions of the injustice I faced. Truthfully, in this 17 inch sphere, was where I could be strong and vulnerable without being judge, because it was my space.

The thing is, great writers are constantly depressed or perturbed ( not claiming that i'm one! ). Happy people generally don't write much. It's always easier to write when you feel depressed as depression has a way of creeping through the cracks of your door and writing is a healthy option compared to murder/assault of those who are making you life living hell. One of my favorite bloggers Ruth Fowler, has been writing again. While it is to great delight that I get to read what she has to share once again after a long absence, it's ironic that her life which is in shambles has been a source of inspiration to many others. While I can't help but feel sorry for her, I have also been hanging onto every word which she will potentially pen down. Today, I am finally happy for those of my friends who have abandoned their blogs for a while now. It simply means they are in a better place!

So why is it a good thing that i no longer have the luxury of time to write/whine/agonize/bitch? Well, for starters, I am no longer in that realm where i have to shut up and suffer injustice because it is not diplomatically correct to say what I want to say in the real world. In fact, i'm no longer in that world, where I have much to complain about. :D I must admit, this new job, has changed everything. From my new-found financial independence (getting there, getting there. hehehe), to the reignition of the passion to work and strive for others, to my dream of finally being able to bake and sell my very own macarons. Yes i have lesser time to read a book, gym, or write, but my time is spent in the most productive way I can imagine. Doing activities/work that I truly enjoy, and not spent covering other's asses for the mistakes that they have made.

So this is the part, abit late no doubt, but where I officially say goodbye to the suckiest year of my life and hope that it will only continue to shine the way it is now.

Goodbye to unpaid/underpaid wages..
Goodbye to unreasonable superiors
Goodbye to the "plastics"..
Goodbye to empty bank accounts..
Goodbye to unappreciated efforts..
Goodbye to the pus that the scum feeds on...
Goodbye to daily blog updates on "how to pretend to be happy/insightful when i really am F***ed." 

Hello 2011, I'm loving you already!

It's time to Weed out the Weeds

Year 2010, is coming to an end, and although it has gone past in a wink for many others, this year has been a long and "hellish" one for me. From dealing with being laid-off to unpaid wages to jobs that just did not fit me as a person, I've had one hell of a ride, and to be honest, thought that it would never end. I tried to sink myself into positive oblivion that things would get better and that there is such a thing as a silver lining, but yet not truly daring to believe that my life would take a positive turn. And then, at the end of last November, it finally did. I left my journey to no where, and finally started my destination bounded journey.

I wouldn't say that my life is picture perfect now. If it were, I would be carrying my Salvotore Ferragamo, wearing my Jaeger le-Coultre and driving my very own Volkswagon Bug (hehehehe). Materials aside, my life is still less than perfect because I seem to be the only one who is happy with the turn-around. There are still people who are nit-picking at areas of my life which is not, in their idea, as good as it should be.


Everyone has a different perception of what a perfect life is and should be. Therefore, i don't expect anyone to understand why and how I live my life, and i urge you to not implore your ideas on me either. I have a great job, a great man of my life, a great daughter-poodle, and a great small group of friends who matter. I also have a dysfunctional family whom I am at peace with and learnt to accept each and every one of them for their flaws and choices, without having to criticizing them to make my life more colorful. I don't generally compare people with others, so please refrain from comparing me to others of my age group. I find my life a better one, because I get to learn from their mistakes and not be a fool to repeat them. So if you cannot find the strength in you to give me credit for how efficiently I have lived my life avoiding mistakes I have seen people around me make, then thank you very much, but keep your criticisms to yourself! Unless it is constructive, you would most probably spoil my day and risk me detesting you.

Syiok Sendiri...

Have you ever wondered why smelly people do not know that they stink. Or fat people do not realise that tight revealing clothes that show off their barrels are not at all flattering. Or people who brag don't realise they are bragging, Or people who are supposedly expert in a field do not realise when they come along as obnoxious and a "insufferable know it all"?

Well, this post is by far the most politically incorrect post that I have decided to put up on my blog. Many will crucify me and take this as personal attacks. But I assure you, it is just my opinion, and perhaps an individual flaw of my incessant need to judge. But this is my space, and I have all the right in the world to complain as much as I want to. After all, that's what a personal blog is for isn't it?

I think everyone has a side of syiok sendiri that we are not aware of. I thought hard last night, and dug deep and found my side. So before i shoot my mouth condemning the things people do, i'll start with me. I have the most annoying habit of 'sharing what i know' which might come across as being an "insufferable know it all". While my intentions are not to heave my posterior up in the air and act smart, i realised i do come across as a person who is constantly trying to outdo others and prove my intelligence. I am also a stickler when it comes to what i perceive is 'right and wrong'. I am very resistant to challenges of my mindset, and will argue till the cows come home to prove my point. I am also one hell of a "laser mouth" and sometimes suffer from verbal diarrhea especially when my emotions soar. There is hardly a censorship board in my puny brain, and sometimes, i regret saying things that I have said aloud. Having said all that, I am sure that i just as much suffer from the "syiok sendiri" syndrome that I accuse people of having. But the thing is, I am not afraid to admit that i have flaws and acknowledge that I should change the way I communicate with others.

I wished people told me all the above about me to my face. I might be offended for a while (after all, no one likes to be criticized) but it would help me be a better person and be less syiok sendiri. But it's considered politically incorrect to tell someone they are obnoxious, fat, smelly, annoying, a self-proclaimed diva, or an arrogant bastard. At least not in a serious matter of fact way. The truth is, it's always politically incorrect to be honest and blunt. Because everyone likes to think that they are perfect the way they are.

If you know a person who is an object of table topic ( not in a nice way), there's a big possibility that they suffer from "syiok sendiri" symptoms, and since I am over-bearing and an "insufferable know it all", i would encourage you to rip the bandaid and tell the person what you think of him. After all, if you are a true friend, you would point out his/her obvious flaws that makes him less of a desirable company.

Pimping your daughter?

Which mother does not want to have gorgeous children? Especially a daughter who is pretty and all that. As much as asian parents are obssessed about having smart prodigy kids, given a choice, they would want it both ways for their daughters. Brawns and Brains that is...

I remember my teenage days when my wardrobe consisted of skater pants and billabong baggy t shirts. For a moment, my mother started worrying about my sexuality and the agst attitude i was carrying around. So she decided to spruce me up abit. I remember protesting over a pair of shorts she bought for me (to wear out). I remember pulling a long face when she made me try on baby-tees' and bought me proper skin care. I walked away from my mother who openly suggested at the lingerie department that I should get some cutesey colored bras. My father used to tell me, a little lip gloss wouldn't harm, and I looked at him as though he was mad! I was 13, and as far as I was concerned, I just wanted to be left alone and dress the way I deemed fit. My mother always hated my unrully hair and made me cut it really short. But suddenly one day, she told me maybe I should keep it long. I was perplexed. I used to have to fight an arm and leg to have my hair reach my shoulders. Les did I know my parents were preparing me for womenhood. It still sounds corny, but that was exactly what they were doing. They were pimping me! What baffled me more was, a few years down the road, when I was comfortable with skirts, tank tops and spagetti straps, which she had introduced me to, she started worrying about me showing too much skin and attracting unwanted attention.The rest of my teen years, revolved around arguments about my choice of clothes.

No, my parents aren't the only ones who pimped me up.  So did YOUR mom, and all the mothers out there who have daughters, and you, if you are a mom. If you look at the teenage clothes line which is out there in malls, it's pretty shocking that 13 year olds are deciding if they want to go along with the goth, biker-chic, glitzy glamour, or hit the clubs look. And what's more shocking is their mothers who purchase those tacky slutty clothes for their daughters. If that's not pimping up your daughter, I don't know what else is.

It is an unconscious decision to dress your kids up in a the latest trend, and to make sure they don't stand out like a sore thumb among their peers. But mothers, be careful, because the little girl you are dressing up today, might be the slut of the block tomorrow, and it will be your fault partially.

The point is that, mothers are not aware that the simple act of dressing up your daughter, introducing her to make up and teaching her ettiquets, is grooming her to become a sex symbol among her peers in the future. I'm not saying, please wrap her in a bale of cloth, but groom her accordingly, to not only help her find her sense of style and attitude, but also in a modest, moderate way. Your actions can be counter productive at the end of the day, so take caution in how you groom your daughters. Or a simpler thing to do is, to just have sons! =)

It's that time of the year again

It that time of the year again, where mixed feelings never truly leaves you in peace. On one hand, I am ecstatic to have finally taken up my dream job, and on the other hand, I am going to be alone for Christmas for the first time.

Christmas is always the part of the year I look forward to (second in line Chinese New year because of the angpows hehehehe). Christmas celebrations at the Murray's headquarters, all the way in Mersing is always a hustle and bustle and nothing short of havoc. While family members take long drives to make it to my grandfather's house to make it in time for Christmas eve mass, it is always a trepidation for "my" family to beat the clock and traffic to get there in time. Tempers may flare against dilly-dalliers, and dad is always assuming his suitcase is packed with him work documents for 'just-in-cases' and me, wondering, why I am here, and not out with my friends in the big city partying away.When everyone reaches Grandpa's house, cousins will exchange horror stories of being stuck in the car with their parents for long hours and parents will be nagging at us to either help out in the kitchen, or scoot back to the hotel to take a short nap before the midnight mass.

The midnight mass at Mersing is truly a bizzare experience for those who are used to extravagant decos and large crowds back in KL. But it is nothing short of special. While we sit through mass (sometimes without a priest) and sing carols on the top of our voices in the absence of music accompaniments, feelings of warmth and love engulfs us and I  can safely say it for all of my family that all the havoc was worth it, to be back where it truly feels home for christmas.  At the end of mass, the Murrays who normally make up half of the chapel, would exchange hugs and kisses, and all the she-bang that we went through earlier in the day, would be forgotten.

Christmas at the Murray's HQ is a BIG celebration. And it normally stretches from Christmas eve, all the way to the 27th December. Although my grandfather is no longer lucid, and poor Kristin normally sacrifices her real birthday to have a joint celebration with Grandpa, most family members would join in the fun and prolong the holidays as much as they can.

Today when we look at families with 6 children or more, we wonder why they would put themselves through such a predicament. But i have to admit that, growing up with a large extended family, was the most perfect part of my childhood. As much as we sometimes joke about my Grandpa being psychotic to have 11 kids, i thank him, for the biggest (literally) gift he has given to us. Without the gift of family, i would have never experienced family love the way I did. Yes we fight, badmouth, disagree, and get jealous of each another at one point or another, but at the end of the day, it's about love, loyalty and togetherness.

This year, I will be alone, or probably celebrating Christmas in a much smaller fashion. I will be missing my huge crazy, loving (and sometimes dysfunctional) family. I will be missing our regular cousins' dirty beach getaway  every Christmas night. I will be missing my christmas gifts and yummy spread of food which is normally a product of the hours the aunts spend slaving in the kitchen. I will miss seeing my nieces and nephews and coo about how much they have grown over the past year. I will be missing Sri Malaysia Hotel which is always smells mouldy and gushes coffee colored water through its pipes. I will be missing Grandpa's big birthday, 102 years old this Christmas. I will be missing the morning market's nasi dagang, the salty air, the bread bakery who still uses a charcoal oven to bake their goodies and most importantly, I will be missing Mami, Papa, and my entire family who I love to bits and pieces.

Merry Christmas to the entire Murray Clan! I will be missing you sorely... :(

xoxo
Charlene

Doesn't Take a Dime to be Polite...

Someone of authority told me recently, that I failed at what i did because I was unable to command authority and respect. When I asked what I should have done differently, the answer was, "to insist and command those below you to do what you need them to, by hook or crook".Something in that sentence didn't seem quite right, or moral. Yet that's the way the world is today. U kick, push, blame, crush, annihilate those of competition, to get what you want. Granted I may be living in the wrong age and time, but I still believe that genuine politeness, gets you to everywhere rudeness doesn't get you to.

I was watching Oprah recently and she had a whole episode dedicated to addressing rude people. If there's anything that ticks me off and makes me act like a crazy bitch, it is when people are unnecessarily rude. I stand by the principles that if i don't treat you like shit, you sure as hell have no right to treat me like shit. If I have to decency to be polite, then you damn well be polite if you choose to converse with me.

Maybe I am no leader by any means. But if being polite and understanding makes me less of a leader, then I am at utmost peace with myself.

My Grandfather's Legacy

I've read stories of grandfathers who were super cool and indulging. I've heard stories of cherished memories of grandparents who have left an imprint in their grandchildren's heart, and someone that they can run to when mom and dad decides to wield the cane. The word "grandad' itself, associates with love, compassion, smell of prunes or tobacco, and a wrinkly old teddy bear.

My one and only living grandfather that I have, bears none of the above traits, except that he is also old and wrinkly. For as long as I can remember, my grandfather was a disciplinarian, or rather, someone who was nonchalant. While his children reminisce about their father in his younger days, I couldn't help but notice the blind love and fillial piety they have for him, despite the fact that he was not a very good husband or father. But if there was one thing he did right, it is to father 11 children who worshiped the ground he walked on, and love him unconditionally.

My earliest recollection of my grandfather, was him giving me a whack on my back, over a christmas present that I was fighting with my cousin for. (the present was mine, and my cousin took it). I was too young to have my feelings hurt. Although he never sat me on his knee and told me stories, i have good memories of him. Like how when I used to visit during school holidays, he would buy always me chicken rice on his way back from town (only for me, not even for my mom and dad) and the nursery rhymes he composed which he taught every me and every one of my cousins. He was never affectionate, he never communicated with us much, other than grunts and sighs, but he was a legacy.

My grandfather was a a teacher his entire life. He not only taught at the local town school, he also taught at the local town kindergarden, and  taught tuition at home. He spent most of his life in Mersing, a small town by the sea, so almost every person in Mersing, was taught by him at some point of their lives. He has been a mentor to almost everyone in that town.

When I pass my business card around, people either stare at my card for a few reasons. They are either shocked by the fact that I am not the race they thought i was, or either, my surname brought back memories. As a part of the only eurasian Murray family in Malaysia, if you know another Murray, he/she is definitely related to me. A few days back when i passed my name card at at event. And two men walked up to me and told me that they were students of my grandfather. The recollected the time he used to carry around the big fat "rotan" and told me how my grandfather had changed their lives. For the first time, I was ashamed to have thought that there was nothing great about my grandfather all these while. My grandfather, is a living legacy.

At 102 years old this year, my grandfather might have lost his memory, and find difficulty in moving around independently, but he is still a vivid memory of the many lives that he had touched and changed through his unfailing role and passion to teach.

He might not have been the perfect father, or the typical grandfather, but he left us something greater, a legacy where our family name, was associate with greatness, compassion and dedicated servitude.

What's good for the soul?

As common and mouldy as the saying is, a leopard really can't change its spots. Same goes with people, practices and strategies in human communication can change if we make an effort. But what's inside us, character, instinct and personality is something you can mask, but never really change.

This doesn't mean that all's bad and doomed because we don't really change. For example, if a person is prone to be soft hearted, it's kind of a good thing.. It simply means compassion lives deep within her, and as much as she tries to mask it, when it does surface, it only makes this world a better place.

I have been trying to change all year. My ideals, my dreams and even my personality. B* used to call me a "doormat" as a joke. But in some ways, i knew he was right. Problem is, it wasn't something i could fix since being a doormat was a result of my personality. It was something deep down inside that i would like to think of as the need to be compassionate and emphatise, rather than being in possession of a frail leadership trait. 

But what I failed to realise till the very last few days, that there was one thing I could change, that would definitely make my life a happier one at least. I could learn to ignore. I could learn to distance myself from people who were bad to my personal self growth. I could choose to be more selective over calling people my friends. I could live in my own bubble and still be happy. Whoever said it's a dog eat dog world out there, clearly has a dominating personality, and not to mention a selfish trait, a need to justify the oppression of other people to feel good about himself. It is does not matter if he is right or wrong, but in his defense, he feeds of the fear he instills in others for selfish feel good reasons. 

So here's what I think. This is not a Dog eat Dog world that we make it out to be. Because we think it is, we behave in a certain way as a defense mechanism to protect ourselves which inevitably, has certainly made it more of such. We can co-exist and give in to the possibility that someone out there, who is better than us. We don't always have to be the best, or always right. We can choose to be just great. Our way of accomplishing things, are not the only solution to get things done right or more effectively. We can choose to be selfish and own up that we have taken that choice, rather than find ways to justify our choices. We  can choose at the end of the day, to recognize other people's efforts first, before judging their shortcomings. 

The point behind this whole rambling is, that we don't acknowledge that personalities do not change, but our actions can. I think I am a nice person. Perhaps way too nice sometimes to the point of being a pushover, but I kind of like myself the way I am. At least i'm at peace with it. All I can do, is avoid people who are pushovers, and perhaps admit openly that I know I am at risk of being run over by over ambitious, narcissistic people  and life will be fine and dandy. I don't think I need to change after all. I think I just need to find people who accepts me the way I am, and is open to look beyond my faults, and recognize my efforts.

It's not about you... It's about me.. And it's time I take ownership over celebrating the "me" that I am. 

Jigsaw Me

Someone once told me, life is meant to be a "china-made" jigsaw puzzle. Just when you think you are about done piecing them together, you will inevitably find one piece that just does not fit.

I've spent the whole year, trying to piece my life together. Deciding which piece goes where, and trying to squash in pieces that just did not make the cut for my picture perfect life. And yet till today, I am forced to resign myself to the fate that I have single handedly crafted for myself, a less than picture perfect life..

Over the weekend, I met up with some of my best buds in college. The girls' night out seemed to be a perfect rejuvenation for my mundane life, but somehow, it didn't make me feel twice as good as I thought it would. I went home, laid in bed counting down the hours, and recollecting what I have made my life out of. The hardships never seemed to leave me, the joy was slowly seeping out of my skin, leaving worry wrinkles and crevices where they burned. This is it. I had to make it, or break it..

This is going to be a painful week. And  I hope, my silver lining will finally emerge, at the end of a very tiring journey...

The City Snob

I still can't grasp the concept of individualism. The concept of how you can't really live another person's life, and how everything and everyone around you is fragments of your world. You can't feel what they are feeling and you certainly can't walk in their shoes (not literally at least). The same way how empathy is just a concept which cannot be truly proven. Simply because, it is not humanly possible to truly feel, touch, smell, and understand how it is like to be another person. You can only go as far as attempting to comprehend and visualize.

As i stopped by to get my morning coffee today, a woman walking in my opposite direction towards me with tears streaming down her face. For a moment, i wanted to turn back and stop this lady to ask her if she needed someone to talk to, or offer to buy her a cup of coffee. Then again, i realized how weird i would look, randomly offering some kindness to a complete stranger. People don't do that in the city. You could be mistaken as a weirdo, or even worse, a con-artist who is scamming to prey on teary women.

So i didn't stop the lady, and walked on to get my coffee. Until now, i cannot get the thought of my mind, of how i had become another one of the walking-snobs-in-the-city who found minding-my-own-business a polite thing to do.

When did i become a city snob? Beats me....

Eat, Pray, Love

Before I buy a book, i shamelessly stand in Borders, reading at least the first 20 pages of the book. Being a fast reader, It would take me 15 minutes or so. The reason I do this is because if the first 20 pages does not arrest me, there is little hope that the next 200 pages will and hence, there is no use of adding a book I simply won't finish to the rest of my collection.

I must admit that Eat Pray Love, the book did not wow me. It was whiny, self loathing, and a journey of an American woman who's been too blessed to handle a few glitches in her life. I put down the NY Times Best seller back into its rack, and decided that it wasn't a good read. While i have no idea if i would have found the beauty of the book as many have raved about in the next 400 pages as others have, I must admit that the movie did do something to me. It might have been the cinematography, or the comic that sent me into fits of laughter, or just plain old gorgeous Julia Roberts and her spectacular acting, but serendipity as it was for me to watch it because I had no other options of greater movies to spend the last few hours of my weekend in, I thought it was a pretty decent movie, especially one involving a journey of self discovery.

As i watched the movie, I saw alot of myself in it. From struggling into jeans sizes I was "supposed" to be able to fit in, to eating and experiencing my food as an adventure itself, to the box she had that bear all her dreams of the places she wanted to go to but never had the time or opportunity to. I have to admit that I might not be able to feel her frustration of constantly finding something lacking in the relationships she was in, since I am in a pretty awesome one, but if i was in anything lesser than awesome, I would be the real life "Elizabeth Gilbert".

People judge people. It doesn't matter if you move to some foreign country to get away from the judgmental buggers, you will find that even strangers judge you and your choices in life. People of all walks of my life, tell me what they think I should do everyday. But nobody has asked me, "What do you want?" But this has got me thinking, if you keep living up to people's standards, you will come to realise at some point of your life that it just doesn't cut it. As crazy and unrealistic as your dreams seem to be, if you don't get it out of your system, you will never be able to find that "word" to describe yourself, because there will be thousands of what ifs. If you do not experience life the way you want to, your life will never be .. how do i put it.... 'your own'.

I find myself at crossroads these days. If you notice, the more i have on my mind, the lesser I write. It has nothing to do with me finding it too personal to put up on a blog read by strangers, it is more of me not knowing where to begin, or how to pin point the root of my disheveled mind. Because there is so much of unresolved needs i carry in my baggage, when I fall down and my baggage splits open, I find myself picking up the pieces, not knowing which is more important than the other to pick up first.

I've decided to pick up the book anyway, because maybe, maybe something in it might help me pick up the pieces. I might not have the money, liberty, and time to run halfway across the globe to discover myself the way Elizabeth Gilbert did, and i certainly have no intention of checking myself into an ashram, but maybe.. maybe.. I could at least finally find that word that truly defines me.

Effing Lemons..

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.. What is you're sick of lemonade? What if you wanted to have grapes instead in the sweet valleys, or the sun sweet cherries of california.. So is this how we console ourselves when our plans unfold into something we never expected it to?

I'm 27. When I was 17, there were tonnes of stuff i swore to do by 21. Then when I was 21, I swore i'd accomplish certain things by 25. When I hit 25, needless to say i started believing that 27 was my year to sit back and bask in my worldly possesions and accomplishments.. Now that I am 27, I can't help but think, what if Life throws me lemons for another 10 more years the way it has for the past 10 years...

I sat down yesterday making a reality checklist.. The more i wrote and recollected, the more depressed I became. I'm not ungrateful and incapable of counting my blessings. But I am tired of lemons!

SO here are a few lemons that have come my way...

Travelling the world by 25
Needless to say, I haven't even travelled the region itself. Paris, Prague, Cape town, Kenya, New York, Budapest, I will try my very best to visit you by the time I'm 30!

Having a 10k saving per year.
From this, you can see I ain't much of a saver. So 10k a year seems reasonable. I've been working for 4 years, and besides my insurance and dilapidated house, I have no assets or savings to declare for a rainy day. So maybe 10k by the time i'm 29?

Own my own car!
Yes, I'm one of those women who uses my boyfriend's car. And doesn't offer to fill petrol for it. Well, I can't even afford the extra 200 bucks a month to fill petrol, I sure as hell cannot afford paying for car installments.

Get my masters
Who am I kidding, with my degree grades, I am far from getting a scholarship. Since I have no money stashed away also, I can kiss my Masters goodbye.

Pursue Piano
The one joy of my adolescence, was playing the piano. I was good at it, great in fact but I never pursued my diploma or teaching grade. I can't help but think that maybe if i did, I wouldn't be broke now. So before I get arthiritis, by 30, I will pick up piano again!

Get married
Who am I kidding, unless i'm a skank who expects my boyfriend to foot the entire wedding bill, I will not be walking down any aisle any time soon with the nil savings I have.

So here's my resolution, my last resolution. If i cannot find the means to make money by the end of next year, i will give up my passion, and live a life millions others are content living...

Effing Lemons..

Murder solved by Malice Murder- Thats the way WE work! Kudos Malaysia

Yes it is alarming that people are brutally murdered in this country. Burning, rape, arson, snatch thefts and robberies gone wrong and even gunning. Is there really a possibility that Malaysians are becoming increasingly aggressive, or is it just a more transparent media reporting trend?
But there is definitely one more element that has made it to the top of Malaysian's increasingly aggressive behaviors, Killing out of malice..

The recent killing of the 9 dogs in Banting made even the meanest pet-haters shocked. Shocked by stupidity, and shocked by how incoherent the act had to do with the murder case of Sosilawati and her three associates. Perhaps the authorities/neighbours and people surrounding the area were expecting the 9 dogs to eat grass, or what might say, live on rain and sunshine. Even our basic human instincts tell us that when we are hungry,  find for  food. The fact that they started killing poultry and livestocks to feed their hunger after being left unattended, meant they were only trying to ward off their hunger.

I see this as a personal attack to weaken a man who is yet to be proven guilty. Regardless of whether he is guilty of murder or not, the killing of the animals were pointless, cruel, despicable, disgusting, and really SHALLOW.

I feel ashamed to be Malaysian...

"The Hallelujahs"

Disclaimer: I am by no means, an agnostic or atheist. Nor am I anti-Christ. In fact, I am every ounce a believer of God..

If i wrote a book of jokes, quoting my parents on how every worldly disaster is related to the lack of faith in God, I would be rich by now. All in the name of God.. And yes, I'm being cynical. Last year, my mother had dengue fever twice. On both accounts, i had to literally drag her to the hospital to seek treatment. Then one day i understood why she was refusing treatment. A pastor came to our house to pray for her, and told her that God will help her get well, even if she didn't want to go to the hospital. She had been "cult-tized". My instant impulse, was to chase this man out of my house. But instead, against my "better" judgement, it told him that was the stupidest thing i've ever heard anyone say. There was a pin drop silence. Before the pastor left, he told me he would pray for me, i was pretty sure he was referring to my lack of faith in God (rolls eyes). Needless to say, my parents straight away started praying for their daughter who had gone astray and towards what they assumed was Satan's light.

I have been brought up in a home where my parents were moderately liberal when it came to religion. They allowed me to choose my denomination, and never pressured me into doing church activities. But somehow over the years, my parents became the radical ones.

I cannot stress enough on how much I HATE overly "hallelujah" churches and its' goers ( i call them the hallelujahs). They are pushy, whinny, preachy, judgmental and downright ridiculous when it comes to common sense. I might be walking on thin ice now condemning the "hallelujahs", but what the heck. My "God", understands what i'm getting at.

This is what I think. I believe that beneath the exterior of the overly pious and faithful "hallelujahs" is cowardice. The inability to deal with the challenges that life throws them, so they hide behind a veil of invisible protection, and stay in denial by simply accepting that everything is "god's will". They are afraid of manning up, and dealing with the pain and trials in life, so they quote God in everything that they do. They mask their desperation and despair by assuming, that what happened was a result of a better plan which is in store for them. They sit back and let disease consume them, because they are terrified of trying and failing, and most importantly having to bear responsibility for anything that goes wrong. It is easier to blame it on someone else, or to blame it on God. And then you have some others, who mask their corrupted practices, by claiming that its God's blessings. They pray incessantly and praise God incessantly, hoping deep down inside that God will forgive them for the bigger sins that they are hiding in their walk in closets and bank accounts. I don't know which God they worship, but the God i know, is not one to be bribed.

There are different ways of being God's servant. Not just evangelizing about Him and hoping to gain brownie points out of it. Some hallelujahs, are the ones who drive huge cars and live lavishly, and yet refuse to offer help those in need of food and shelter. Some other hallelujahs, are the ones who are too lazy to provide for their families, or to be useful people in society, and claim that they are happy with God's blessing. THAT, is disgusting...

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong in laying your lives into God's hands. But to sit back and do nothing, and expect miracles, is defiling the one special gift God gave us, the freedom to choose and to rationalize.
My concept of God may be flawed at times, some might say because of my lack of faith, but I have no doubt that He knows my allegiance to him.

There is no difference from the so called "muslim-terrorists" and "overly-pious christians". If you really want to take the Bible literally, then there is no difference between "murder" and "being judgemental". They are both sins...