Of whips and cracks

"There's something strange about growing up, you simply see and accept things  the way they clearly are.." Anonymous


I've been called many things. Hater, pessimist, critical, judgmental.. the list goes on.. simply for stating that some obvious traits yields obvious results. While i do admit that in the "world's" terms, I am all of those words above, i also know that i see things the way the are, and am this way because i believe it is silly, to expect unrealistic outcomes from the same way of doing things. It's like the lottery. You keep buying and buying it, and hoping to strike rich, even though it's unrealistic and clearly, a one out of million chance. It's the same thing with relationships.. If you keep dating the same breed, chances are, the progression of the relationship will be exactly the way the previous one was.. It's science.. The results don't change if the constant remains the same..

I've probably never said it out aloud before, but I am thankful that I was once a victim of domestic violence. I come from an extremely loving family, but somehow plunged into a scary relationship where it involved the other party pulling me by the hair up the stairs, punishing me through all forms of violence, and brainwashing me that love equals to possessiveness. Perhaps, it is this reason why, i never could understand all the other women who (in my opinion) self destruct themselves by dating worthless/abusive men over and over and OVER again. But that's the thing, everyone has had bad/disasterous relationships once or twice before. But you need to be in a relationship where you are fighting to survive literally to reach that realization, that self worth can only be earned if you take the time to value yourself.

That's the ironic beauty about being a victim of violence, you see things clear, simple and as it is once you're out of it. You learn and stand firm that "once is enough". You learn that denial, is worse than indulging in cocaine. You do not turn into a feminist or man-hater, but can clearly recognize abuse even if it didn't come in a physical form. So yes, I might sound like a "hater" to you, but I truly believe that I am not. I am just anti-denial.

Today, I work with countless of women who are in abusive relationships. From a simple conversation, I have that knack to deduce if they are going to be lifelong victims. It's a sad and emotional thing for me, because if i had it my way, I would love to shove their heads into a bucket of ice and force them to see the damage they are doing to their lives and their loved ones. But from experience, I also know that if it is not their choice to get out of it, no amount of therapy, counseling, or forcing will do the trick. By experience, I also know that women who continually hop into 2 or more abusive relationships, will most probably end up being in the same kind of relationship, for the rest of their lives. They will fall back on the bandwagon again and again, and pass the trait on to the next generation and among their peers. The only thing i can do, is to share my experience with them, and hope that they have the courage and strength i fought so hard to discover.

People always say that there is tomorrow. In this case, if you don't get out of an abusive relationship now, you will probably never get out of it ever, even if you have 10 partners down the road..