Bodily Images

It's been a month or so I've been going to the Gym. I finally signed up for a two year long commitment to pay money just to get fit. While many people tried to convince me along the way that it's either a waste of money, overrated, or that i don't need it, I'm glad i did. I sort of found myself in a comfort zone which i can just hide in and emerge looking better. It's like my very own private cocoon. Well, i kinda sorta want to turn into a butterfly. My version of what a butterfly should look like.

I've been on the same battlefield with "Weight" as long as i can remember. For only short periods of my life, i've been off the field. Therefore, i can consider myself a veteran. Truth is, it is extremely easy for myself to lose a bunch of weight coupled with unreasonable convictions and extremes, But this time around, I'm hoping to do it the right way, kick off that damn smoking addiction alongside, and emerge as my very own idea of a butterfly.

I've always had people telling me i am fine, so why do i need to obsess about my weight. But what people sometimes fail to understand is, everyone has a different bodily perception of what is considered "fine" and what is considered " perfect ". I guess it is part and parcel of personality and the role the person sees himself or herself to be in the society. And while you wonder how looking a certain size or having certain percentage of body fats can do any good in your role in the society. Let me explain myself.

There are people who don't need to be super fit or super skinny to look good. My good friend Jo is a good example. She can put on 10 pounds or lose 10, and she still has that x-factor. She is a fabulous model to exemplify how she focuses on her good points and uses it to boost her confidence. Jo has an exceptionally exotic look for a regular Chindian. And Jo has killer legs, before, during and even after her pregnancy. She might not necessarily has the most sculpted abs or either perfect boobs or butt, but she focuses on what makes her feel confident. It is really how the person is internally that predetermines how the person wants to look outside.

So people tell me i am obsessed because i ask at least 3 different people once a day if i put on weight. That is because for me, my bodily image is almost everything to me. I'm far from saying that My opinion is THE opinion. But i am talking on a personal level.

Looking good is not an option for me. I need that in order to function in the different tasks in my everyday life regardless of whether it is relevant to it or not. For example, I will never be able to accept cellulite on my arms. Or having my excesses bulge over my jeans. If it is in my power to change it, i will work hard and fight it off my body. I am NOT fine with the way i look now. I like being a size "0" and i think it is nothing wrong to be bony. I don't like having an ass which protrudes, nor do i like having well endowed breasts. I love hands which are sculpted and backs of swimmers. I can't stand saree fats or love handles. Blemishes are not accepted. Yet i can tolerate wrinkles and an untrimmed pair of eyebrows.

What i am trying to say is, just because some people have different standards or requirements for their personal bodily image, it doesn't necessarily mean that it is "sick" or "unhealthy".

WHat is Your acceptable body image? And how willing are you to defend it and not get sucked into the trends and critcisms out there?

House Arrested

I've always been the sort to fall sick easily. Makes me kind of embarassed , and slightly upset that everytime an important back breaking task has ended, i'm literally cornered by a flu or sore throat. Though it is nice to slack off and take a break a little, i cannot take quarantines.. And after my trip to the doctor today, i am to stay home for the next 5 days until my darn flu and cough goes off...

Before you jump off your chair, i'm clear of the H1N1 infection. Did a swab test and voila! However, my immunity is betraying me therefore i am to stay home until i fully recover so that i do not catch the virus from someone else while i'm out.

So what have i been doing since noon? Hmm, i've watched tv, browsed online for recipes, and helped myself to an overdose of PS2. Anyone would love my life now i guess. 5 days of nothingness! I do slack whenever i get the chance to despite some people who see me as a workaholic. Kathy knows it. She smiles and snickers when she sees me doing it. It is just the prospect of having nothing to do for the next 5 days that is driving me bonkers! I'm sure by tommorow night i'll be sick of the PS2. And perhaps i'l drive over to my apartment to put the oven to good use since i'm pretty sure kathy and piggy can't possibly pass me anything foul! Maybe i'l make homemade pizza or burger patties from scratch! Yummy.. Problem is, salary's late, again... And it's not really advisable to spend the little pennies i have left from my last LATE salary to splurge on comfort food. And oh shoots.. I can't even go to the damned supermarket. Furthermore! I can't go to the gym and i'm not about to allow myself to pile on any fats just because i'm bored. I'm a little tempted to take those tiny pink pills the doctor prescribed for me to get some sleep. Sigh... WHAT DO I DO???

Gosh, the next thing i know i'd be looking at wedding dresses just for fun! It's so ironic how i can find so little to do on the danged World Wide Web!

MJ

The world has lost yet another great music icon. Michael Jackson transcended all boundaries of being a great musician, a spectacular performer, and a being which defied all odds of nature.

As a child, i was afraid of MJ. Pretty much due to the reason that my first memories of MJ when i was 6 years old was the amazing Thriller video which still sends chills down my spine. When i was 11 and my cousin bought me tickets to accompany her to the first Asian tour MJ has ever had in Singapore. i was reluctant. He still scared me, though i could not help but bob to the beat of his Music. The concert was life changing. I never again felt that negative energy about him, nor did i ever attend a concert that lived up to his ever again in my life.

I remember that we had tickets which were on the far end paddock. MJ was visible to me like a size of an ant. I couldn't see his face or moves very well since we were very VERY far away from the stage but there were big screens everywhere. But he was one hell of a performer! MJ was an artist where every concert mattered to him and he never failed to make it known to his fans. The fireworks and the grandeur and extravagance of his concert was enough to put me through a trance. It was the best, and is still the best concert i have ever attended in my life. From then on, i tried mimicking the moon walk, the thriller dance and joined the adorning MJ revolution that has swept across the world.

Despite all the criticized changes that MJ has made to himself as well as the music industry, there will never be another legend like himself. And he will never be forgotten by the billions who have been fortunate to be graced by his music and presence since their childhood.

RIP MJ

WHAT The EFFING HELL!

Im back to complain, as usual, after all for those of you who know me, i have a zeal for nitpicking. I make to big a deal out of everything and scrutinize everything that is absolutely unnecesary. sighh... my my what a bitch i can be...

Less than a month ago, the old Jaya supermarket which was supposedly "scheduled" for demolition in an area where there are residential houses and shops within 20 freaking meter of the site collapsed suddenly. 7 workers gave their lives in this gruesome "accident". Now not one effing resident nor tenant of the shops within that 20 meters were notified. No evacuation was done. But developers claim it was an unfortunate incident and NOW they get the residents to evacuate to some bloody city hall for weeks in case the rest of Jaya crumbles. Ohh wait wait.. Better still, no action taken because it was an "accident", and the people who perished were "INDON WORKERS" and they "evacuated some residents nearby but did not evacuate a next door 5 storey mall because there are "too many vendors". So the city council said that the three firms involved are currently "blacklisted" from all their projects in "selangor".. He forgot to add the "only". SO these ma-fuckers can go on running their irresponsible backsides in other states and endanger many many many other lives.. because Shhh.... other people won't know right?

So okay okay. U can say i am being too cerewet. Because I'm harping on an incident that happened almost 20 days ago. Because according to the Malaysian mentality, if nothing is done about it, no hope so why harp on it right? Just give up on the topic and move on.. Might as well focus on news such as the prime minister and his wive visiting children in the orphanage because it is a very rare thing now isnt it? Fine fine, i'll do that.

So anyhoos, A few days after that, The roof of the RM300million Stadium Sultan Mizan Zainal Abidin in Terengganu collapsed. The stadium was less than a year old but oh well, whats the point of making a big "hoo-ha" over it because nobody died, isn't it? So if the contractor was at fault for negligence, then he must face the consequences said some effing minister. SO, LEts re-evaluate. a roof of a barely 1 year old building caves in to cause absolute damage of half the stadium, but we are "not" very sure whether negligence is involve huh? hmmm, we have to investigate first because who knowss, it might be labelled as another "natural disaster" or "accident".

Now wait wait. There's moreee.. Today i took the monorail from Maharajalela to KL sentral. Because i thought it would be far more convenient than taking a cab and risk being stuck in a massive jam. So i reached Kl sentral, got off the monorail and walked a mighty long way to get to kl sentral because the main straight entrance was blocked due to construction work. Now i think it was very responsible of these people to block of the main entrance for safety purpose since there are heavy machinery plopped all over the place, however, what got me thinking is whether these "responsible" developers are going to see the simple rationale that they would need to build more affordable underground parking for the public whom they have robbed a huge ass area of parking space from. Or are they going to have the "vision" to possibly widen the road to avoid the already perpetual traffic jam from become unmmovable? We'll just have to see now don't we? But i think we already knowthe answer

On today's newspaper, the health authorities shut down hundreds of restaurant in Klang in fear of an epidemic of disease due to the hygeine violations. One might wonder, why on earth in Klang only? What bout Masjid India, a food haven shared where rodens and hawkers share the same property? A place where Splattered blood and dirt cover walls of the eateries with hardly any fresh supply of water and drains clogged with things you simply cannot imagine? Now that is not disgusting enough to be shut down??

And citizen rights.. Elections are very far away, so lets build high voltage cables over residential areas without seeking their permission, sneaking in the middle of the night to offering compensation, or building insulation to ensure it doesn't harm the health of thousands of residents in the area. Then ignore complaints because anything which is money making is a breeding down for bribery.

What the fuck man seriously??? This really makes me think.. If a bloody typewriter awarded to a blind girl could make news on the newspaper with a fair enough picture to go along with it, and yet we close two eyes shut to justifications of death trials, collapsing buildings and hazardous constructions in our very own neighborhood, what kind of fucking people are we? seriously.. somebody answer me. Am i the only one here who is supposedly "ranting" over these preposterous happenings in this doomed nation?

the BLAH point of life

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom in life even though you've been through worse before. It's just a point of life where nothing seems to be going your way and what exasperates you is that nothing is within your control. From wrong color choices of curtains to match your room wall, to couches that do not fit because you miscalculated the measurements, to a bed that just wont arrive, to a matteress that you know you can't afford even if the bed arrived, to a job which is fulfilling your aesthetic needs but not your pocket needs.

I knew this path would be tough, and i'm more than blessed to have so many people around handing me money whenever i need it. It's not like i'm on the brink of starvation, or luxury is compromised, but everything that i have today is on charity basis, and that can hurt the "self" quite a fair bit.

If there's one thing i pride myself for, it would be my achievements. And achievements can be from big to mundane items. From being able to achieve something big, up to being able to buy the damn vase that i had my eyes on for the longest time. But everything i have is charity. Not that i don't appreciate or need the charity, it's just that it would feel better if it came out of my very own pocket..

Sigh...no wonder there is a saying that charity workers are the ones who need the biggest charity.. I sadly fall in that category..